Tunnel Vision
by Shycadet
Summary: Everyday. Mostly at night... I attempted to convince myself the past no longer effected me. Memories were nothing but watered down still pictures in my head, no longer having substance. Yet, why was it whenever I was alone, they always attacked as if they still lived... (Sakura POV)
1. Tunnel Vision

**A/N -** Here's a random story idea I thought of as I got writers block from That Summer.

I'm really feeling this one. I came up with these 4 chapters in about a week.

As always, it's a bundle since it's a new story. You get a chance to get a nice healthy taster of it and see if you're feeling it too.

So let's get started.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this story -_ Subtact - Tunnel Vision

"I have had it with your behavior."

I sat there looking duly at my mother, unfazed by her hysterical declaration. This happened about three times a week, two on a good one, where she came to the conclusion that I was the worst child in existence- and that was putting it politely in her eyes.

Honestly, I wasn't that bad compared to the rest of the kids that ran around with this much money under the belt and the over slight mistake of giving too much freedom. If we were being real, I could be hooked on coke like my elder brother.

Oh, but we didn't talk about that. He was clean now, taking care of the family business. All of that was in the very dark past.

And oh, how it helped my mother sleep at night pretending to believe such little fairy tales. If we were being brutally honest with each other, which it looked like we were, he was probably snorting a line as we spoke.

"I'm serious, Sakura. You have ran rampant for long enough, and you need to learn to grow up."

I set my jaw. All I did was take the car out to grab some drinks, but unfortunately what should have been a smooth process ended up taking a turn. To be specific, I took a turn. To the left. And ended up accidentally slamming into a truck. Honestly, you'd think she'd be more hysterical that I almost died.

But maybe it was the fact that I was drunk driving in the first place while running a red light that put a bad taste in her mouth about the situation.

Either way, the stitches on my brow and my bruised ribs should have been punishment enough. Sitting here listening to her attempting to lecture me was excessive considering my condition. I learned my lesson. Drunk driving: bad. Even I had to admit it was stupid and had already promised myself as my head spun seconds after the accident that I would never do it again.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" She demanded with a glare at me as I sat on the couch while mutely watching her.

I set my jaw, "I get it mother, I fucked up-"

"Don't take that language with me!"

I winced at her screeching, frowning in discomfort as the pounding headache of last night continued to reside just at the left of my temple. The fact that it had been a full twenty-four hours and it had yet to go away swayed me that maybe I should get it checked out. But I was in a car accident. So it seemed like something that wasn't too out of the ordinary.

"Sorry," I excused myself while feeling a sour taste in my mouth, "What I meant to say was I messed up. I understand that."

"No, you don't. But you will, I promise you that much," she threatened with clenched teeth before stalking off.

I held my tongue about commenting how now, of all times, she wanted to pretend she was a mother. For half of my life I was raised by maids, and suddenly when I hit the age of not being scared of her hysteria and giving the last fuck I was able in this lifetime, she wanted to question where she went wrong with me.

Probably when she decided to not raise me herself while putting so much focus on my elder brother. And even then, the man was a 'recovering' addict.

I almost wanted to thank god I didn't grow up under her watchful eye if I wasn't so questionable about his existence.

Rubbing my forehead and flinching as I accidentally brushed against my stitches, I looked around with a frown. She had brought me in here to scream, my old piano room where I was forced to practice over and over until the bones in my fingers felt like they were fragile enough to break. Everything about this place tossed my stomach with horrid memories, ones that I usually tried to bury however I could.

Feeling sick as I watched the flash back of me crying in a corner right after my mother screamed my performance was pathetic, I stood up and rushed to leave the room trying in vain to convince myself the past no longer effected me.

But there was no possible way to do so.

I knew by experience how hard it was to drown the past.

* * *

 **Alright. Let's keep at it.**


	2. Tunnel Vision 2

**A/N -** Continue young ones.

I think you'll like it.

It has a completely different feel to my usual stories.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ Tristam x Karma Fields - Build The Cities (Empire Of Sound)

Shipped off.

That's what her idea of a lesson was.

If she thought for a second I was struck by the thought of no longer having to be within that suffocating mansion with all it's space and silence only overridden for the times she bothered to scream about something, she was in every sense of the word wrong.

The need for escape had tunnel visioned me my entire life. It was the only set point I could focus on that helped me from going completely insane. But while she always attempted to preach that I had hardly any brain cells left to bother using, only I could affirm I wasn't stupid enough to try making it on my own.

Yet.

My mother's overwhelming need to cripple me incapable of ever dreaming living without _her_ and _her_ money set my success low. Maybe she felt the need to be needed after every man in her life ran as far away from her as they could once the years started to pile. Who knows. But anyone in their right mind would have done the same thing, which made it only natural for me to think the same way.

But she sabotaged my chances whenever she could.

I was forbidden to work, and if I choose to anyway I was forced to do so within the company to 'gain experience of what would be expected of me in the future'. But of course, I had to do so without pay. I did manage to make a healthy stack of money during my time in high school, and while selling drugs to snobby prep school brats was a cute idea for a booming profit, I had limits as an adult.

Being twenty years old selling drugs to kids put a bad taste even in my mouth, and I seriously didn't turn down much when it came to making money.

So she succeeded so far in keeping me starved out, but as I said before. I wasn't stupid.

The times I worked for the company, I interned for the accounting office. And while I didn't have much schooling to accomplish anything significant, I learned a lot during my time with them. Well, the important values anyway.

Like, in ever sense of the word, stealing from my mother's profit.

I said I wasn't stupid, but I never said anything about being desperate. The only reason I hadn't been caught on to so far was because while I seemed like a total prick towards my mother, I had an affinity of hiding true colors to those I first meet. To them, with my smooth smiles and relaxed demeanor, I was the company tyrant they never dreamed of having. They invested in me for the future, thinking when all was said and done and I had co-company ownership I would take care of them.

And prick or not, I promised myself I would.

After an entire lifetime of being alone, I understood the importance of making connections. There faith was well placed, and my gratitude wouldn't be forgotten.

Still, the trickling funds that grew from slowly stealing from the company wasn't enough to completely live on my own. While I could leave today and make it, I didn't want to struggle. I wanted to be planted on my own feet.

Maybe a side effect of growing up being privileged my entire life.

Either way, being sent off wasn't the worst case scenario for me, even if she did mention in cutting my monthly funds in half. It was an experience I needed after being trapped in this place I refused to call a home this entire time.

The issue was the place she decided to ship me off to.

Northridge.

There was no real way to explain that place without the word 'prison' coming to mind.

Growing up I heard of it vaguely here and there. As my friends, if I could even describe them as such, disappeared slowly one by one the only reply I ever gotten on where they had gone was Northridge. The families that lived around us, mutual interest only being the amount of money dwelling within their pockets, slipped from time to time during social gatherings of a place that seemed like a god blessing sanctuary.

And for a while, I thought it was. And hoped, even dreamed, of going as well.

It was only when I grew up that I realized how much of a fucked up place it was.

Northridge was in fact a boarding school that went through first to twelfth grade, but it was their higher education option that was skin crawling. Despite the fact that families of wealth could drop off their children one day and not have to see them again for another twelve years being scary enough, on top of that they offered college level courses specifically set for running a business and 'striding further towards growing wealth'.

My 'friends' had been sent off when I was young, so long ago that my memories blurred their faces. It made me sick to my stomach realizing I literally never saw them again, and this was well over a decade later. I may have complained about my mother's watchful eyes and how I was grateful for the longest time they were never set on me, but to be figuratively forgotten as if I were nothing at all in the first place?

Something about it just... made me believe I would have started thinking I was pathetic as well...

Going there now didn't seem as big of deal. I grew up understanding that nothing within that damned mansion would change. Still...

I set my jaw as I sat in the plane, mindlessly watching the clouds.

"It's beautiful up here, isn't it?" The girl beside me whispered with a small smile.

I glanced at her before glancing back out the window, "Compared to what's down there dwelling on those dead rocks? Yeah... I guess so."

As expected my response cut off any other chance of conversation.

I spent the rest of the flight forcing every thought that clawed from the past away from me.

X

"Sakura from the Haruno family..." The man mused at his desk as he looked over paperwork. His eyes scanned from left to right for a few more moments before his eyebrows raised in surprise, "You were recently in an accident?"

I blinked, surprised as well, "You're the first person to call it that besides me. Yes, it was a car accident."

"Well I don't think people _intentionally_ slam into vehicles," he muttered, causing me to snort with slight amusement. At the noise a small almost undetectable smile slipped his lips, but just as quickly disappeared. Glancing up, he asked quietly, "The man that you hit, is he alright?"

My stomach churned with guilt, something I didn't feel often. Eyes falling, I nodded, "Luckily I took most of the damage."

"It's good that he's alright, but I wouldn't call it lucky that you got the worse end of it."

My eyes snapped back to him, completely confused at the indescribable feeling I had in my chest. Frowning, I asked, "Who are you?"

The man glanced up from the papers in his hands again with a curious gaze as me, but I simply stared in reply. Placing the papers down, he smiled and introduced, "My name is Asume. I'm the Dean, one of four. I look after the college academics for Northridge. The other three have authority over elementary, middle school, and high school levels."

"Oh," I replied, not knowing what else to comment. I wasn't sure what else I was expecting from his answer, but his vibe just threw me off enough to ask. It wasn't everyday people were actually concerned about my well being, the feeling was shockingly...

I refused to admit anything further.

He rubbed his chin before digging in his pockets and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. Grabbing one from the nicely filled pack, he placed it between his lips before glancing and holding up the box to me.

I didn't hesitate taking one and lit the end with the lighter he also offered after sparking his.

The man just sat there casually, smoking in the office looking as bored as ever.

It was official. I liked him.

"Alright, so here's the deal kid." I didn't even bother arguing that I was twenty as he paused to take another drag of his cigarette. "Your mother filled out the paperwork to place you into the highest tier classes and dorm room the school has to offer. Needless to say, she dropped a pretty penny to make it happen."

My face twisted in confusion, "Wait. What?"

He gave me a small smile, "A lot of you that come in late to the program always have the same reaction. What's so surprising?"

I shifted uncomfortably, not knowing how to describe my mother's treatment towards me all my life time. Shaking my head, I offered pathetically, "I expected a lot less."

"Well not to blow your mood, but I'm sure it has something to do with the social standings and the message being sent to those around you that you come of a family with plenty of money. I mean there's rich, and then there's super rich."

A smile pulled my lips, of course that was the reason. Even now I wasn't surprised. But I respected the man even more for not holding back the punch of reality. Snorting, I shook my head, "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Asume smiled slightly, "Things never change, huh?"

"It's better than the unexpected I guess," I replied with a shrug.

Shifting towards the drawer, he pulled out two pair of keys, what looked like an ID card with my donated picture already plastered on it, a very high quality looking black titanium credit card, and a matching black titanium watch. He slid them over to me one by one as I sat in my chair, glancing at them curiously.

"The keys are self explanatory, you get two sets, one a spare for your dorm. More like pent house suite, fucking rich kids." He mumbled the last bit, causing a laugh out of me. "This is, of course, your student ID. It gives you access to the basics whenever you see a swipe or scan entrance. But this is college level, don't expect to use them on the other side of the campus where the lower grades reside. And this incredibly sleek looking card is your source of income funneled by the school. Not everyone have one these, usually they are basic meal plan cards. But this right here is a gift from the school caused by your mothers recent, uh... investment. You can swipe this anywhere on campus and the college town near by and it'll all be completely covered. Courtesy of us."

I gave the card a glance before turning my attention to the watch, "And what's that for?"

"You're smart enough to figure it out eventually, so I'll just tell you," Asume replied, stamping out his burnt out cigarette before turning his attention to me with a sigh. "So before entering here you were giving this small sheet to fill out, right? There was a question on what would you rather wear; a ring, a watch, a necklace, a bracelet, or a pin. Well, obviously you selected the watch. It's a gift from the school to show our prestigious community you came to find education at. Everyone gets one, but of different levels and quality; like gold, white gold, and platinum. Titanium is the highest tier... Now, that's what I'm obligated to say. But in reality it's a fucking tracking device."

I blinked, completely caught off guard.

"The tracker is fried once you graduate, but it's activated the moment you join the school until the moment you are permitted to leave."

"Is that even legal to do?" I asked in disbelief.

"It wouldn't be if rights weren't signed off allowing the school to do so. It seems like the suffocating need to control everyone, but it's more so that this campus is incredibly huge with thousands of students attending. We've have incidence, more so in the lower grading levels, where students have ran away. It's a boarding school, we are responsible for everyone here. So if we end up losing children, can you imagine how much money these already rich parents would sue us for?"

I frowned, muttering, "I mean it makes sense..."

I didn't finish my train of thought, feeling incredibly sorry for the kids who wanted to escape in the first place.

Just thinking about them brought up memories, of a girl crying in a corner begging to escape escape aswell.

"It's a terrible method, but it's effective. So that being said, the only times you take this off Sakura is for obvious reasons like showering or swimming. If you lose it that's a _very_ heavy fine mailed to your mother and a penalty strike against you. And trust me, you don't want to see me for penalties."

I took the watch, giving it a closer inspection. It felt solid and smooth to the touch, just by a glance it was impossible to deny how expensive it looked.

Eyes wandering up to him, I muttered, "So I just wear it at all times?"

"Yup. Besides that, you're good to go. I have an escort waiting for you outside. Oh, and welcome to Northridge."

Like I said.

It was hard to describe this place without the word prison coming to mind.

* * *

 **It gets better. I promise. The setting up is always a little boring.**

 **But I always jump right into it. So keep going!**


	3. Tunnel Vision 3

**A/N** \- Alright. Finally. It starts getting a bit interesting.

This is where it all starts.

Two more chapters, all you got left.

Here we go.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ Adam Pearce & Humble Places - Prism

"Sakura right?"

I nodded as I walked up to the red head with a beanie snug comfortably on. She looked incredibly relaxed as she propped herself against the wall with her hands in her pockets, lazy smile slipping her lips. She stood straight as I came closer, eyes set on my mind for a moment longer than necessary.

It was only when I stopped in front of her that she smiled a little more, "Don't remember me, huh?"

I blinked, confused at her question. Giving her a closer look, I tried to discover what I was missing with no avail. She laughed as she hinted, "32nd street right? Do you still live there?"

My eyes widened in complete surprise, "Tayuya? Are you fucking kidding."

A grin slipped her lips, "Guess I'm not _that_ forgettable."

I laughed in disbelief.

Tayuya, one of the friends who's face blurred as time past.

"Wow, you're the last person I expected to see," I muttered in complete surprise.

She snorted as she turned and began walking down the hall, "Yeah man, I thought the same thing when I saw your name on that piece of paper. I volunteered to be your escort for a reason. We've got some catching up to do."

X

We sat at some random picnic table outside under the shade as various students walked past. I leaned back against the bench with a small frown while Tayuya sat on top of the table lazily resting her elbows on her knees.

Silence settled between us after I explained what happened to get me here.

Eventually Tayuya tugged at her beanie, muttering, "I guess that explains the gnarly stitches."

"Hopefully it scars up cooler than it looks now," I replied jokingly.

She smiled slightly, "What do ya mean man, shit looks cool already."

I laughed along with her before falling silent again. Frowning, I asked quietly, "So you've been here the entire time huh?"

"Yeah... it's to the point where if someone asked where my home town was, I'd say Northridge. Sad, right?" She muttered with a shake of her head. "It's not as terrible as it looks though."

"I can't see how it isn't," I admitted, glancing at her with another frown.

She rolled her eyes, "Don't give me that sad ass look, Sakura. I'm serious, this place is a fucking sanctuary. We had the same bull shit going on at our fucked up houses. The sad part is that you had to deal with it a hell of a lot longer than me. Still, we both understand what a blessing it is to get the fuck out of there."

I shifted, glancing back at the students walking around. Most of them walked in groups, laughing and chattering away. At the college campus section, they looked like any other normal university kids. Still, I couldn't shake off the feeling of how most of them probably grew up here. Parents of money dropping them off and hardly seeing them again afterwards.

"They are as happy as they look, trust me," Tayuya assured, reading my mind. Standing from the table, she slipped her hands back in her pockets while turning to me, "Come on soft ass, let me finish showing you around and then I'll introduce you to the real heroes here."

I snorted, standing as well, "Heroes?"

"Suppliers that make this place just a little happier," she answered as we began to walk again. I strolled next to her as she added, "And also good friends of mine. Do you smoke?"

"Got any pills?" I asked instead with a raise of my non stitched brow.

"Pill popper?" Tayuya said with surprise, "I wouldn't peg you as one."

"Goes down pretty well with some drinks," I replied with a shrug.

A smooth smile pulled her lips, "Been partying hard at home, haven't you?"

"Well who was supposed to keep me out of trouble with you gone?" I joked with a grin.

She rolled her eyes with a small laugh as we kept moving.

Out of all the friends that disappeared, Tayuya was definitely one of my closest growing up. As a kid we'd wander around outside together. We weren't like all the normal children that played hide and seek or adventure to the park. No, we'd go outside to escape the house and wander into the woods to feel a sense of freedom from the suffocating bull shit we had to deal with growing up.

Our households were pretty much identical. But for Tayuya, it was her father that was the tyrant. And he had a heavy hand...

I remember the times we would stay out in the woods all day until the night slowly surrounded us, wishing we didn't have to go back home. She would always sit against a tree in silence while I took broken off branches and hammered away at random tree trunks.

That's when my anger for everything started to gradually consume me. To the point where I wasn't just satisfied with chipping away thick branches against objects. I found myself punching against the bark until I bruised my knuckles. Numb to the pain. The entire time wondering what the hell we did to deserve the shit that was happening to us. We were just kids. Still so fucking young. And still we didn't even get a chance to have any sort of happiness.

I kept punching until blood started to coat my fingers.

It was only then that Tayuya stopped me.

My thoughts snapped back to the present when I felt Tayuya's hand on my shoulder, giving me an easy smile as she watched me, "The hell are you standing there for? Go inside."

Blinking, I took in my surroundings and noticed the apartment door that was already open in front of me. Inside stood a sandy blonde haired girl watching me curiously as I stood there. Plastering on a smile, I stepped in, "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," the girl answered with a yawn, "You're here early Tayuya. What do you need?"

"Pills apparently," Tayuya replied with amusement as we both entered. I gave her a small glare, but she waved me off, "Don't worry, she's cool. My supplier. And Temari doesn't judge."

"If it makes me money and deals with a good time, I am completely unbiased with my opinions," the girl named Temari assured with another yawn, "But seriously, why so early in the morning?"

"It's noon," Tayuya informed with a dull look.

"And yesterday was Friday, so yeah. It's early," Temari argued while leading us further into her apartment.

I gave her place a small look around. It wasn't anything extravagant, but it was spacious. The living room area was a bit dark with the shades drawn. It was so dim I didn't notice the girl laid out on the couch underneath a thick looking blanket. At the sight I paused, wondering if we were being too loud. But before I could be too cautious, a pillow smacked the unknown girl in her peaceful sleeping face.

"Wake up Tenten, we have guest. And one of them need pills."

I blinked in surprise as I whipped my eyes back to Temari. She ruffled her own hair, looking bored as she did so just before walking and disappearing down the hallway. My eyes moved back to Tayuya with a curious glance, but she merely stood there comfortably, looking as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

A groan tumbled out of the now stirring girl's lips, "Why are people here so early?"

"What's up with you guys? Get the hell up," Tayuya complained while walking over.

Just at her voice, Tenten seemed to perk up immediately. Eyes snapping open as she sat up, a smile slapped across her face as she greeted loudly, "Tay! I didn't know it was you."

"How's it going Popper?" Tayuya asked with a smile.

Tenten answered happily, "Better before you decided to ruin my sleep, Stoner. What's up? Finally decided to try some pills?"

"Nah it's for a friend of mine," Tayuya answered before slipping her eyes to me.

I stood there silently, not knowing what else to do as Tenten's eyes wandered to me as well. Blinking, she quickly began to scowl while snapping her gaze back to Tayuya, "What the hell, Tayuya. We have rules for a reason. You can't just go blabbing to everyone what we sell, especially a stuck up _titanium_."

I blinked, glancing down at my watch.

"Not all titans are bad, Tenten." With a pause, Tayuya pulled up her right hand showing off her titanium ring that I hadn't realized was there before. Smiling slightly, she assured, "So relax. Plus me and her go back to practically diapers. She's with me."

Shifting, I coughed out, "Gay."

Tayuya barked out a surprise laugh, "Shut the fuck up, dude."

Instantly, Tenten's mood swung back to a happy smile, "Oh, that's cute. Well what I mean is _she's_ cute. Look at her with her stitches, looking like a straight bad boy."

I slipped her a crooked smile at the compliment.

"Holy fuck, why are all your friends so fucking attractive? And beyond rich," Tenten breathed out in envy. Just as she bit her lip suggestively, Tayuya ruffed her hair, "Down girl, you don't fuck around with customers. Remember?"

"Ugh, whatever. I'm allowed to break my own rules," she complained before finally kicking the blankets from herself to stand.

And Christ, she was wearing the smallest damn spandex shorts I had ever had the pleasure of witnessing. As she passed by, she gave me a wink before disappearing down the hall as well.

Unashamed, I turned around fully to watch her go.

"Deprived much?" Tayuya accused as she dropped herself on the couch.

"It was a long flight," I joked as I went to sit next to her.

She snorted, "Yeah well, stay away from that one. Unless she's drugged, her mood swings give whip lash. I've seen her break down the strongest jocks at this University."

"Tragic, because her in those shorts are a sure gift from god," I sighed out in loss.

"Well if you're eager to find girls that are easy on the eyes, then tonight is going to give you a step towards the right direction," Tayuya hinted with a grin. "It's still college, Sak. And we get the full experience."

A smile of my own pulled my lips at the suggestion just as Temari and Tenten wandered back. The blonde tossed a decent sized baggy at Tayuya while Tenten skipped towards me and plopped on my lap, shaking a bottle of pills in front of me with a mischievous smile, "That's right, _Sak_. And we're coming with."

I took the pills, another smile pulling slowly as Tenten dragged her teeth across her bottom lip in underlining promise.

X

Asume wasn't kidding around. When Tayuya finally managed to show me to my room so I could change for this party, I understood now that penthouse suite wasn't a joke. The place was huge with the highest view point available in the building. The windows were crystal clear and covered all of the left side of the living room, giving me far more than a mere glimpse of the campus. From here I could see how much evergreens and forest surrounded us, and for the first time I noticed a mountain lingering just at the horizon, looming over us as the gray skies hazed it with fog.

I stared out the window, taking in the scenery.

"It's nice right?" Tayuya asked as she wandered over, hands in her pockets and beanie still tugged on. She changed her attire before showing me my room, but she didn't change up her obvious skater vibe with her white t-shirt, jeans, and vans. After a pause, she muttered, "Exact opposite of the hell hole we came out of."

"Sun always fucking shining," I mumbled in reply with a frown.

"Like there was reason to be shining that bright in the first place. Like shit was happy and okay," Tayuya finished, shaking her head as she turned away from the window, "But I guess it makes sense. The brighter it is, the darker the shadows are cast."

My thoughts wandered back to the forest, punching at the trees again as my knuckles bruised.

All the while wondering if Tayuya's father used the same technique to bruise her ribs.

"We can pregame here, that way you can meet the gang before we go out," Tayuya called out from the couch, leaving me alone at the window. "Or we can pregame at my crib, seeing as it's right next door."

I shoved back the past as I turned to her, asking curiously, "How many Titaniums are there?"

"Of what I know of? A total of ten Titans by my count," she answered, giving a glance, "Why?"

"I was wondering if they all have penthouses," I explained while walking over, "I mean you have one too. So I was guessing... But this penthouse is so big, where would they even have ten of them at?"

"Most of them do, but some of them downgrade for there own reasons. Like Temari," Tayuya explained, surprising me as I thought about the blond. "She downgraded because of her, uh, after school activities. And honestly she doesn't like the attention either. But her simple living doesn't change that she comes from a _hella_ rich family in the dessert somewhere."

"I didn't have a clue," I admitted as I sat down.

"She's very humble, I guess something that's taught when you've stayed here for awhile," she replied with a shrug, "Either way, what's up? Pregame here or my place?"

"I don't mind if they come here," I answered with my own shrug, "It isn't like they're going to wreck it. Right?"

"I'll be sure they behave," Tayuya joked before pulling out her phone, "Gonna shower and get changed? Your shit should already be up here in your closets."

"Yeah I guess, give me a few."

Standing up with a look around, I failed to see what I could offer her as entertainment as she waited. Glancing up at me, she rolled her eyes and waved me off, "Go ahead man, just don't take forever."

"Alright. If they come before I'm done just let them right in."

It didn't take me long to shower, but it took longer than necessary to find something decent to wear. I hadn't packed a lot, figuring I'd just buy more clothes while I was here. I guess I should have prepared more, but there wasn't much I could do now.

After much digging around, I settled for a pair of jeans that I cuffed at the bottom, black boots, and a simple blue sweater with a tossed on hat. Still, even though my outfit had a sense of simplicity, everything I wore was name brand. It wasn't something I could help, but the bad taste put in everyone's mouth about Titaniums weren't lost to me.

I didn't want to make a bad impression by wearing expensive clothes.

It was only when Tayuya knocked at the door that I stopped nervously looking myself over for the tenth time.

When I opened the door, she strolled in with an amused smile on, "Dude. Stop acting like a female and get out here. Everyone already came through."

I narrowed my eyes, grumbling, "Listen, just because I chose this lifestyle of being gay doesn't mean I'm any less of a female."

"Pretty boy," Tayuya accused, earning her a push on the shoulder as she laughed, "That lavish lifestyle you were living while I was gone has gotten to you. Come on, no one gives a shit what you look like."

Sighing, I followed her out, too embarrassed to even bother arguing with her as I tugged at my hat.

I guess I wasn't sure what I was expecting when it came to meeting Tayuya's friends. Before she left it was just us two, everyone else slowly disappearing one by one. I guess if I were being honest, I expected her to have stayed a loner just like me. Back home I knew people, and people knew me, but I wouldn't call them friends.

Honestly, I didn't make friends. It just seemed pointless considering that I knew deep down no one would give a shit about the actual things that mattered. Being rich wasn't everything to me like it was for everyone else back home, so maybe that's why I just couldn't relate or connect with anyone.

But Tayuya's friends? It was hard to imagine any of them came from wealth.

It was hard to keep up with their names, but I managed to remember most of them. Zaku, if I had heard right, was Tayuya's oldest friend. Something about arriving here at the same exact time to go to the elementary school. After that, a couple of grades later, Temari and Tenten came in. It wasn't until middle school that she met Yahiko, Konan, and Hidan.

Apparently Tayuya was awfully popular, something else that blew my mind. But as I watched them interact together as I sat on the couch, I couldn't help but smile.

She was completely different from the girl I used to know.

Yet I was still the fucked up kid in those woods who didn't have anyone left to stop me as blood slicked my fingers.

"My other friend is swinging by, just so you know. But she's late, that's why we're kinda waiting around," Tenten commented as she plopped down next to me, taking my beer and chugging down half of it. She gave me a sweet smile when I narrowed my eyes as she handed it back, "What? I think I deserve some beer after giving you that free special on those pills."

I shook my head as I took a sip of my nearly empty bottle, "True. So who's this friend?"

"A girl from one of my classes I met earlier this year," she replied while leaning back, watching as everyone else decided to wander to the balcony to smoke. "She's nice, I like her. I figured she'd want to party with us. And speaking of, are we going to pop these pills or what? They can't have all the fun with their drugs."

I grinned, digging in my pocket as I wiggled the bottle, "Get me another beer, and we can swallow a few."

She rolled her eyes, shoving my hat down to my eyes as she complained, "Typical Titan."

I laughed as she walked off, straightening my hat and hair as she went. Just as I finished off the tad bit left of my beer, the doorbell rang. I stood up and strolled over, already feeling loose with a nice buzz. Readying up my smile, I opened the door and greeted, "Hey, how's it..."

My words fell off as I stared down at the girl in front of me who's crystal blue eyes practically froze me from the inside out. Her blond hair was more platinum with strands loosely falling from her messy bun as she stood there biting her lip. Gaze wandering inside, she gave a smile of her own as she started off nervously, "Um, hi. Sorry. My friend Tenten said we were meeting up here or... something?"

I cleared my throat, taking a step back to let her in, "Yeah, uh. She's grabbing me a beer."

"A beer that, quite honestly, you should have been getting for _me_ ," Tenten huffed out with a glare as she walked over with two in her hand. Shoving one my grasp, she turned her attention to the girl who I assumed was the friend she mentioned earlier. Smile plastering her face, she snatched her hand before dragging the girl further inside, "Ino! _Finally_. They were getting so antsy they decided to go ahead and smoke here."

"I'm so sorry, I got held up at work."

I frowned in curiosity as I closed the door. I'm not sure why it was so strange to discover she had a job. Knowing we were all rich kids, I assumed no one would bother with one.

But Tayuya did mention that being here made you humble.

Crystal blue eyes flickered to mine as I was caught staring. Clearing my throat again, I turned my attention to opening my bottle.

"Oh, right, let me introduce you two. Sakura, this is my good friend Ino. Ino, this is apparently Tayuya's good friend, Sakura." Tenten said with a beaming smile, giving us a look back and forth as if waiting for us to instantly become best friends.

But it was hard to immediately bring out my hand to shake Ino's when I noticed her frozen eyes register something as Tayuya's name was brought up. But it was equally hard to stand there awkwardly, so quickly recovering I offered my palm with the smoothest smile I could muster and greeted, "Hey. It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," she said quietly, taking my hand in the softest grasp.

"And here I thought you only smiled like that for me," Tenten pouted as I pulled away from Ino, "But I see you throw that panty dropping smile for any girl that comes through."

I nearly choked as a laugh tumbled out from a familiar voice next to me. Turning to see Tayuya and the rest of her gang strolling back in, I watched her give me an amused look as she warned, "Their catching on bro, you better watch out."

I gave a quick glance to Ino, lips parting to accuse the two of them of lying, but her attention was no longer on mine. Instead she was watching Tayuya.

It wasn't until a full second later that Tayuya even bothered giving Ino a glance, but when she did she smiled slightly and muttered, "Hey Ino."

"Hey..."

I watched them both in confusion, wondering if it was just me that noticed the awkward interaction. But it didn't seem like anyone was paying them any attention. Instead Zaku and Hiden approached me with wide easy going grins, their eyes pulled low as if they were too heavy to keep open.

"Sakura! What's up, man? We got another bud if you're trying to smoke with us," Zaku offered in good nature as Hiden waved around the blunt with wiggling eyebrows. I couldn't hold back my laugh as I watched the two of them, knowing they were as high as a kite.

"She's a popper, fellas," Temari informed, looking entirely too sober for someone who I had watched drink. I was also ninety percent sure she was smoking with them.

Both Zaku and Hiden groaned as if they were told I was a vegan or something, but Tenten just wrapped an arm around my waist, "Yes. Finally I have a friend who can keep me company for _my_ bad habits."

I smiled down at Tenten, but couldn't help wandering my eyes back to Tayuya and Ino. They were speaking on the side, but paused as Yahiko had wandered over to them with Konan at his side. He didn't seem to notice as he began chattering away.

Tenten grabbed my attention again with a tug of my sweater, giving me another mischievous grin as she asked, " _Now_ can we pop pills?"

I rolled my eyes with a smile, unable to help comparing her to a child asking for candy. Digging out the bottle from my pocket, I declared, "Yes, it is time."

She squealed with excitement as I laughed. With the pill bottle open, I poured a few into her eager waiting palms before giving myself some. Clanking our beer bottles together in cheers, we tossed the pills in our mouths in one smooth motion. The second I felt them bounce onto my tongue, I swallowed eagerly.

Ready for any trip that didn't venture into my past.

* * *

 **See.**

 **Do you see it.**

 **It's like sprinkles here and there.**

 **Do you see the little easter eggs?**


	4. Tunnel Vision 4

**A/N -** Last part of the bundle!

And also my favorite chapter out of all of them.

Let's go. On this journey. Together.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ Two Door Cinema Club - What You Know (Vibe Maker Remix)

If there was one thing they couldn't take away from the Northridge students, it was their spirit for a good party. Shit, even the kids back home with their rich cars and expensive drinks couldn't beat out the people here.

And I would strongly argue that it was mostly due to the students personalities.

They didn't act like rich kids. They weren't snobby or trying to show off something new every two seconds. When you went up to talk to anyone here, they were all completely down to earth. Back home it felt like everyone was detached, like the only connections they had was with their money and what it could buy.

It's probably why I always felt so alone growing up.

But here? Their connections were with people. And everything about it was foreign to me.

Everyone acted like they knew each other for years, and honestly that very well might have been the case. But it wasn't just with the people they knew, it was with people they just met too. I couldn't tell you how many of the random party goers came up to kick it back with me while we took shots, or the girls that dragged me to dance just to bounce around and act like complete fools.

They were all so fucking happy, and it was infectious.

For awhile there, I was genuinely happy too...

But as always, the side effects to the drugs and drinking hit me hard. As I felt the pills begin to wear off, I became too self aware. Drinking was a stimulate that I loved to entertain, tossing pills into the mix to captivate the high.

But drinking was also a sedative so strong it left me immobile, incapable of moving as the high faded while gently plummeting me from the sky. And I never fell and landed on solid ground, I always seemed to plunge into an ocean where nothing drowned but me. Never my thoughts. Never my past. Never my anger.

I winced as I heard my mother screaming again that I was pathetic and worthless.

My heart began to hammer as I watched her throw her glass filled with alcohol into a wall, accusing me that it was all my fault, but I didn't have a clue what was.

My hand twitched tighter around the neck of my bottle of beer, remembering how I clutched at my ears while trying to tone out the sound of breaking glass with cries of my sobbing.

And the itching in my fingers echoed from the pain in the past as I went outside and just kept punching without the will to stop.

"Sakura, I don't feel too good."

Blinking, I looked down at Tenten who had slouched onto my shoulder, eyes too heavy to keep open. Her slurring mumble convinced me she had enough partying for one night, so I took a look around. The music was still thumping at my ears, vibrating my entire body just as it pounded through everyone still dancing. But out of the crowd around us, no where in immediate sight could I find the rest of the gang.

"Sakura..."

Tenten's whine captured my attention again, she was clinging at my sweater as she clutched her stomach. Placing my beer on the floor, I moved my arm around her waist, "Alright, let's get out of here."

"I want to go home," she begged.

"Yeah, that's where we're heading," I promised, heaving her up from the couch and slowly walking towards what I hoped was the door to leave.

As I navigated with her through the sorority house, I tried to see if I could catch any of Tayuya's friends, or Tayuya herself. It was incredibly stupid of me, but out of all the time we spent together today I hadn't bothered to grab her phone number.

But it did give me an idea.

Finding a clear spot against the wall, I propped us both on it as I asked Tenten, "Hey, let me see your phone."

She blindly dug into her pocket, handing it to me a second afterwards without question. Turning on the screen, I asked, "Can you unlock it for me?"

Again, she did so without a second thought.

Quickly, I scrolled through her contacts, looking for any name that I recognized. Again, by some bad stoke of luck, nothing popped out to me. She most likely gave everyone nick names, contacts like 'Hippo' and 'Sandyman' were filed for random numbers throughout the list. But, by some determination and a second time through, I caught a name that I actually recognized.

Within a few rings, I got an answer.

"Tenten, where are you? We've been texting you all night."

"Uh, hey sorry," I started off, struggling to hold up Tenten while holding the phone to my ear, "Konan, right?"

"Sakura? Hey, is something wrong?" She asked quickly with worry.

"No no, everything is cool. It's just that Tenten is passed out right now, I was wondering if you knew her address so I can get her home," I explained while taking another look around, hoping again to catch any of the gang. "Or I can just meet up with you guys. Where are you at?"

"God, we thought she went home already and passed out. We left forever ago. But then Temari texted us awhile ago saying she wasn't at home when she got there, and we've been freaking the fuck out," Konan exhaled in relief, "Thank god she's with you. We didn't have your number either so we didn't know if you went home early too. Tayuya texted she had checked your place, but she said that you weren't answering the door. And Tenten wasn't answering any of our messages. God we did such a shit job keeping everyone together. Tonight's been a fucking mess."

I stood there without knowing what to say. It was strange having someone sound so worried over my well being. Even if it was mostly for Tenten.

"Oh, alright. Yahiko just texted Temari, she said if you take Tenten to your place she'll be there to pick her up."

"It's alright if she crashes at my place honestly," I assured while giving Tenten a glance, "She doesn't look like she's up for movement as it is. I'll grab a cab and she can sleep with me for the night."

"Are you sure? You just met us."

I snorted, "With how Tenten has been acting? We've been friends for years. It's seriously no problem, just let Temari know she can swing by in the morning to grab her."

"You're amazing, alright we'll tell her. And make sure you text us when you get back home so we know you made it safe."

Smiling slightly, I promised, "Don't worry, I will. I'll see you later."

Hanging up, I went ahead and shoved Tenten's phone in my own pocket as I straightened us again while giving her a sigh, "Alright Tenten, we're going to go home now."

"Okay," she said quietly, pulling at my heart strings with how cute she sounded. I could swear up and down she was just a kid after all.

Grabbing a cab on campus didn't seem like too much of a hassle, but I was thrown off when I attempted to pay the man and he waved me off in refusal. When I frowned and asked him why not, he simply pointed at my wrist and assured I was covered.

Sheesh. No wonder people felt a certain way when Titaniums were involved.

Well, with what I couldn't pay the man in money I replaced with my profuse gratitude as we arrived at the apartment building that looked more like a luxury hotel. During the ride Tenten had fallen asleep, and I felt bad enough for dragging her along this far, so I settled for picking her up. The girl was as light as a feather, almost feeling like she weighed nothing compared to the weights I lifted when I had been going to the gym, still I tried to hurry. Holding her during the elevator ride depleted my energy as we made our way all the way up to the last floor.

When we finally arrived in front of my door, Tenten curled at my neck as her arms loosely wrapped around me, I was torn on what to do. I really didn't want to wake her up, but I needed to grab my keys.

Just as I was about to regrettably stir her enough to stand, the door behind me swung open. I glanced back curiously and was stunned to see Ino rushing out with eyes that frosted over with distress.

"Oh my god, there you guys are," she said with a breath of relief, "I've been so worried. Seriously."

I blinked, confused on seeing her. It was impossible to mistake who's place she came out of, but it threw me off anyway. As Ino fretted over Tenten in my arms, I watched as Tayuya strolled out a few seconds later, a deep frown on her lips.

"I need to grab my keys," I muttered with a small frown of my own while looking down at Tenten, "I don't want to wake her up."

"Which pocket?" Ino demanded, and when I told her she dug without shame until she grabbed the pair of keys.

Within a few seconds, the door opened as I strode in first. Without bothering to stop, I went straight to my room and laid down Tenten gently on my bed. I rubbed at my neck as I looked down at her, wondering if I should change her clothes or not. Luckily Ino was right behind me, and assured she'd take care of it if I had any clothes to spare. I dug into my closet and left her out a random hoodie and a pair of shorts. Ino focused right away on taking care of Tenten, so I left the room respectfully without knowing what else to do to help.

When I came back into the living area, Tayuya stood there with her hands in her pockets and a frown still on her face. As soon as she spotted me, she strolled over and placed her palm face up as she demanded, "Give me your fucking phone."

I dug it out without question, though I was confused with the aggravation in her tone. I even unlocked it without a second thought before handing it to her. As I stood there, I watched as she dialed in her number and saved herself into my contacts.

Afterwards, she shoved the device back into my hand, biting out, "I don't know how the fuck we didn't exchange numbers before, but we aren't going to make that mistake again. Because seriously Sakura, what the hell."

I blinked, looking down at her number before glancing back up at her. Small smile pulling my lips, I accused, "You were worried?"

"Shut the fuck up," she grumbled, looking away while glaring at the near wall.

"She was beyond worried," Ino informed as she walked up to us, looking like she was given back the ten years of her life that must have been shaved off after tonight. "We both were. First day here, and we not only lose you but Tenten too. We were seriously freaking out."

"Ah, speaking of. Do you have Konan's number? I said I'd text when we got back," I explained.

"I'll add you into the group message. Just send me a text so I can get your number," Tayuya grumbled, still looking beyond annoyed.

I gave her an amused look, "Being so worried about me is, well... kinda gay, Tayuya. Do you have a crush on me or something?" She snapped her eyes back at me, glaring a hole through my skin as Ino laughed. I smiled at the sound before assuring, "Come on man, I'm fine. Lose the attitude."

Tayuya didn't get a chance to respond before we heard Tenten whining from the room loudly. "Inoo. Come back and sleep with me!"

Ino rolled her eyes before walking off again, leaving me and Tayuya alone again. Pulling off my hat, I tossed it on the nearby kitchen counter where the bar stools sat. Ruffling my hair, I asked, "You good man?"

"I've had more peaceful nights," Tayuya complained, the sigh leaving her lips seeming to exhale the rest of her agitation. "Temari was the worst one, completely freaking out about Tenten. And then I felt like shit losing tabs on you like that."

"It was my own fault," I muttered while dropping my hand from my hair, "I was zoned out for awhile there with Tenten on some random couch. I didn't know you guys left already."

"We left to see if you guys were home, hoping for best case scenario. Of course the very opposite happen. I'm just fucking beat, I'm ready to pass out."

I nodded an agreement, feeling the same way. Glancing towards my bedroom doorway, I couldn't help but ask, "I didn't cock block you, did I?"

Tayuya snorted, "Nah, she's just a friend. More so of Tenten's than mine."

My eyes slid back to her, wondering if she were telling the truth, but she was already moving past me and aiming towards my bedroom as well. Sighing, I instead wandered over to the couch, plopping down in exhaustion as I rubbed at my eyes. A few moments later Tayuya came back out, closing the door quietly as she did so, "Looks like the two of them will be kicking it here."

I shrugged without feeling anything particular about the information. Tayuya didn't offer much else afterwards as she went to leave. Grabbing the door, she lifted her hand in a motionless wave without looking back, "Their both your problem now. I'll see you in the early afternoon."

"Later," I called back just before she left.

And just like that, everything settled into silence.

And I hated the silence...

Sometimes the silence was too loud for me to breathe in.

Sometimes the silence was choking.

I sat there for a moment, staring ahead, not knowing what else to do. I knew I had to move, to keep myself occupied, but I felt as immobile as I did an hour ago as my vision began to tunnel. It was late anyway, the party was done. What was there to keep attention?

The pills had worn off.

The buzz of the drinks no longer hummed within my mind...

There was nothing for me _but_ silence at this point.

And I just couldn't fucking stand the silence.

Because the silence pounded like a drum.

As a single minute tumbled by, just one, I started to rub at my eyes, taking in a shaky breath as I felt fear begin to vibrate through me.

When a minute turned into two, just sixty seconds afterwards, my hands began to tremble as I realized even with my eyes closed, I couldn't escape the visions.

Thirty seconds after that, my grip on my eyes started to tighten as I tried to convince myself I was fine.

Because I was.

I was just fine.

Nothing in the past effected me anymore...

In a total of three minutes my heart began to slam against my chest, screaming over and over I wasn't fine, pleading for escape as memories flooded like water pouring into a room.

At four minutes my eyes began to sting with the pain just beneath them, as if the overflowing couldn't be held back any longer...

A second after that, my fingers began to blindly snatch at anything to pull me away from the thick water I was starting to drown in, crumbling as I caved under the weight of the memories, wanting to scream along with the pounding of my heart that traveled up to my ears that I was _never_ fine.

I gripped at them tightly, hoping to stop the noise.

Sometimes the silence was too loud.

Sometimes the silence drummed with a pounding beat.

My head fell to my lap, tears springing from my eyes as I felt my throat constrict. Fingers tightening and clinging at my scalp, I panicked.

Clawed.

Tore at the surface of where I knew I could breathe again.

My fingers itched as if covered in scabs from the past.

 _The girl sobbed in a corner, scratching at the walls to keep from dragging her nails across her skin._

 _The scratching turned into tight fists. Punching until blood coated her fingers._

 _Her throat felt raw from screaming at the top of her lungs._

I tightened the grip on my ears, lips parting as I felt the overwhelming need to scream.

But I couldn't get enough air, I was choking.

Suddenly standing, as if I was finally breaking to the surface, I grabbed the nearest object to me and swung it above my head, aiming to crash it towards the ground. As if shattering it would shatter the silence.

But just as I was about to collide it with the floor, the door to my room opened.

And just like that, the silence stopped.

My eyes snapped to the glowing blue orbs that hovered at the door, watching me as I watched her worry begin to frost her gaze again.

In an instant, I was slamming back into my body all at once. As if for the first time I realized what I was doing. I snatched away my gaze and looked at the vase in my tight grip, still lingering within the air. Swallowing, I slowly placed it back onto the coffee table, throat suddenly dry as my sporadic mind finally settled.

"I was going to ask if you wanted a blanket..."

I sat back onto the couch, refusing to look at Ino as I replied, "I'm fine, thank you."

She stood there for a moment before closing the door.

I took in another shaky breath, repeating to myself I was fine.

But just beneath the surface my heart was still slamming against my chest, screaming that I wasn't.

* * *

(1) My favorite song out of all them, by the way.

 **Alright, great. All done. That wasn't _too_ bad right?**

 **Yeah, it has a complete different feel. And it's a bit dark. Thank Kat for that, seriously she's starting to influence me. Speaking of, I got her approval before posting. So this is stamped with the official seal.**

 **So what do you guys think?**

 **I rewrote, and rewrote, and rewrote that scene at the end. Honestly, I wanted you guys to _FEEL_ it. So tell me if I managed to reach you through the freaking screen.**

 **I'm already working on chapter 5, seriously it might even be posted by tomorrow.**

 **:D just another headache to take care of honestly. What am I going to do with myself.**

 **Ohhh welll!**

 **Read review, tell me what you think!**

 **Shycadet loves. Out.**


	5. Tunnel Vision 5

**A/N -** Okay, so. Just gonna set this right here.

And walk away for someone else to find.

Don't. Mind. Me.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ PRXZM - Royalty

When I woke up music was still pounding in my ears, but a heaviness dropped on my stomach. My eyes snapped open immediately just as my headphones were being pulled away from me. The brightness of the room temporarily blinded me, but within a second I realized that Tenten was straddling my waist with a big smile on her face.

"Sakuraaa, wake up," she whined out, leaning down as I blinked again, "It's already one in the afternoon, you can't sleep all day."

My throat was dry as I swallowed, the echoing taste of beer and various alcohol never truly residing after last night. Moving my hand to rub at my eyes, I croaked, "You're still here."

"Sorry, I tried to keep her from waking you up, but I could only keep it up for so long." The soft explanation came from Ino as she stood beside us. I peaked at her through my fingers, eyes flickering to hers. But when I made contact with them, she looked away suddenly with a nervous smile, "It's only been a day, but you can clearly get how she is by now."

A lazy smile pulled my lips as I sighed and dropped my hand, "What do you mean? Clearly we've been friends for years. Isn't that right Tenten?"

She beamed at me while nodding vigorously, causing me to smile. Then, unexpectedly, she leaned forward and kissed me on the nose. I blinked in surprise but she merely bit her lip and mumbled, "Thanks for taking care of me last night. I heard I was a handful."

"More like an armful," I joked while giving her another smile, "But I didn't mind. You feeling alright?"

"Better than ever," she replied, with a grin as she leaned back, "The question is are _you_ feeling alright? You've been sleeping forever."

I looked away, not knowing how to reply. If I had managed to get to sleep at a decent hour, I'm sure I would have managed to wake up at one as well. But...

Ino caught my eyes wandering, a small frown at her lips as she watched me.

Instantly, a smile pulled my face, "Yeah, I'm fine. Crazy party last night wore me the hell out."

Tenten wiggled her hips on top of me, causing me to grab her waist in reaction as I attempted to stop the stirring I felt. Going so long without sleeping with a girl was starting to get to me, but Tenten didn't seem the least bit bothered as she smiled innocently and announced, "Which is why I thought you'd need some breakfast to restore your energy."

My eyebrow raised curiously, "Oh yeah?"

"Yes! I've made you a warriors meal. I'll get your plate!"

Just like that, she was hopping off of me and scurrying towards the kitchen. Slipping out a small laugh, I sat up using my stomach as I rubbed at my eyes again with a yawn tumbling from my lips.

Fuck, I could sleep for another week and a half if I were being honest.

It wasn't until I was in the middle of tenderly swiping my fingertip across my stitches that I noticed Ino was still hovering above me. I peaked at her again curiously with a smile, "Sleep alright?"

"Um... yeah," she mumbled before falling silent.

Honestly, I couldn't blame her. Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed, wondering what I could possibly say after last night. Before I could think of anything, Ino was asking quietly, "Are you... are you alright? Did you really sleep okay?"

My eyes snapped to hers in surprise. I was one hundred percent sure that if I hadn't bothered to say anything, she would have never broached the subject. People usually cringed away from awkward situations, or at least that was what I was used to. If things got any deeper than the shallow depths just on the surface, they found a way to avoid going any further.

So for her to ask straight out like that...

I gave the smoothest smile I could pull out, "I slept like a baby."

Her eyes never wavered as she watched me closely, as if she were trying to dig deeper by just her gaze alone. Rubbing at my neck, I pretend to admit sheepishly, "I was just having a bad trip from the pills last night, I guess. Sorry if I worried you."

She didn't have a chance to say anything further before Tenten was bouncing back with my plate of food. And a warriors breakfast indeed was before me. Two slices of toast with butter and jam slathered on top.

I laughed in amusement, but ate it graciously.

The entire time I continued to feel Ino's gaze on me.

xXx

The actual University portion of Northridge wasn't anything out of the ordinary. It seemed like whatever energy anyone had during the weekend had complete depleted when classes began. As morning rolled around, everyone walked half dead to whatever lecture they had to make, including myself.

With nothing but a piece of paper accompanying me, I struggled to figure out where I was going. A couple of times I was forced to stop one of the students walking by as my watch threatened I was a mere five minutes away from being late.

Again, everyone was completely generous with helping me out.

When the late morning turned into noon, I was graced with the knowledge that both Tenten and Ino were in one of my classes. Tenten was completely ecstatic to see me walk through the doors, shoving her things to the floor to make room for me to sit next to them. Ino simply smiled in greeting before we all fell silent to write notes.

Afterwards we ate lunch together before going our separate ways. When I had managed to get to my second to last class, I saw Zaku and Hiden were dozed off in a corner, but they both greeted me with grins when I tapped their shoulders. Apparently Tayuya was in this class as well, but she decided to skip out.

Finally as last class came time to rear it's welcoming face, I was greeted with unfamiliar faces. Which was a bummer, I was hoping out of the four I would at least have three with some members of the gang, but it looked like I was left to fend for myself early in the morning and late afternoon.

I guess drained would be the right word for how I felt by the time the day finished, but there wasn't a point keeping it up with Tenten demanding me and her go out to eat in the group message. Just as I walked inside, I turned heel and walked right back out to meet her at the cafe.

As time went on everyone else decided to join, telling me and Tenten to wait up for another half hour before we started eating. I didn't mind too much, Tenten held my attention as usual. We laughed about what we could remember that happened at the party, and again she thanked me for taking care of her.

I waved her off, "It's seriously no big deal."

"Can I tell you something pretty weird?" She asked with a bite of her lip, rubbing at her elbow as we sat at the table together. I frowned slightly at her tone, she didn't sound so serious often. But soon enough her eyes were snapping up to me as she admitted, "For some reason I trusted you. Like, seriously the second I laid my eyes on you. I don't know if it was because you popped pills too, or what, but... I don't know... I think that's why I kinda just passed out there, because I knew you were right next to me. That's really weird, right?"

I smiled slightly at her nervousness, "Nah Tenten, that isn't weird. Plus it would be harder to find a reason not to trust me. You're really good friends with Tayuya, which means I wouldn't just leave hanging to dry like that."

"I think that's another reason I kind of just, you know, passed out with you there. I've known Tayuya for years, and she's mentioned you a couple of times. Not a lot but I kind of remember your name being brought up. So, I mean just knowing you guys were friends before she even came here, I don't know. You didn't seem like too much of a stranger. Plus you guys are practically identical with the way you act," Tenten continued to gush, causing me to blink with surprise.

Tayuya mentioned me? We were so young back then.

But I guess it was hard to forget that shit hole... I knew from experience...

"Seriously Tenten, she already thinks I'm gunning for her, stop telling her all this pointless shit before she seriously starts thinking I have a crush," Tayuya complained as she plopped on the seat next to Tenten.

A grin slipped my face as I winked, which earned me a glare as Tenten giggled. A few seconds later, the rest of the gang came strolling in. Zaku and Hiden went to the nearest table and dragged it over while Yahiko and Konan helped with the chairs. Soon after that, we were a small little clumped crowd at the corner of the cafe. Temari had decided to sit next to me, patting my back as she thanked me again for taking care of Tenten, but it was hard to focus on anything besides the fact that I noticed Ino was missing.

"She's at work," Tayuya informed as she read my mind.

"Which is exactly why we came here to bug her," Tenten said with a tooth aching smile.

Before I could ask what she meant, I heard a huge exasperated sigh leave someone's lips just from behind me. I turned around and couldn't help but laugh at the distressing look on Ino's face as she stood there with a notepad and a pen.

"Are you guys fucking serious," she demanded, giving us all a bewildered look.

Yahiko simply raised his hand lazily, calling out, "Yeah, lemme get a pumpkin pie."

After that, if only to bug her further, they started tumbling out their orders all at once.

I seriously couldn't stop laughing as Ino began shouting at all of them to shut up, and dying even further when they simply refused. They were causing a scene, the rest of the cafe was literally staring at us, but they didn't seem to care. I shook my head in amusement as I crossed my arms, settling to just watch them but when Tayuya caught my eyes with a grin she peer pressured me to order too.

I did so of course, it was hard to refuse. Complete idiots or not, as I said before, everything about this place was infectious. I couldn't help but join in on the noise.

Any sound was always welcoming.

X

While everyone had wandered off and left after we ate, I stuck around. Tenten had offered I come over to have a bit of fun, but I passed even though I very tempted to go. She pouted so I promised I'd make it over tomorrow, but I had more important things to focus on.

Like seeing if I could get a job here as well.

The last couple of days had been fun, but nothing had really changed on how I felt. Sure I was gone for that mansion now, but sooner or later I would have to go back and I didn't want to do so without a bigger step towards leaving for good on my own.

Plus, I needed something to keep my attention...

As I waited I read a book from my phone and sipped on my coffee slowly. I wasn't sure how much time had passed by, but it was enough for Ino to check on me again. She wandered over with a bite of her lip, glancing at the empty messy table I was sitting at. Watching me for a second, she started slowly, "Uh... did you want something else?"

"Nah, I was just waiting for you not to be too busy," I replied while putting down my phone, "I had a question but didn't want to bug you during rush hour for dinner."

"Okay?" She prompted, tucking away her notepad.

I smiled, "I was wondering if this place was hiring?"

She blinked, seeming surprised. Her eyes flickered down and when I followed her gaze I noticed she was looking at my wrist. "That... I mean we usually are since no one really feels like working when they all have enough money already but... Titans working is kind of... unorthodox?"

I raised an eyebrow, "I thought anyone working here was weird, but when I heard you say you were held up at your job I thought it might have been a common thing."

"Not very. I mean some students do, but it's two handfuls at most. Most of the people on campus that work here are hired from the outside," she explained with a frown.

"Ah makes sense," I nodded, noticing that the servers walking about were a bit older. Glancing back up at her, I asked, "So why do you work?"

"Oh... um..."

Instantly I lifted up my hand, "Never mind, it must be personal. My reasons are pretty personal too. So, do you think I can get a position?"

Ino bit her lip again, glancing back before mumbling, "I'll talk to the manager. But can you give me a day to get back to you?"

"Sure," I answered happily, grabbing my phone and tucking in my chair, "Just let me know. Not a big rush, but mention I'm ready to start whenever."

"Alright," she said slowly as she watched me shift around. With another final smile, I moved to leave but her blurted question halted me completely, "Were you having a panic attack?"

My body literally froze as I snapped my eyes back to her, completely caught off guard. She avoided my gaze as she rubbed her arm waiting for an answer, but my voice was literally lost.

We stood like that for three very long seconds.

Managing to find some strength to speak, I still replied weakly, "What?"

"Were you having a panic attack?" She repeated.

As if I didn't hear her the first time.

As if her soft question wasn't loud enough to silence the entire room as everything fell to the background.

I was asking her again hoping that she would suddenly find herself and drop the question, but instead she seemed to step forward eagerly at the opportunity to find out an answer.

My heart began to pick up speed as I muttered, "I don't know what you're talking about."

A split second later, I was moving to leave but she followed me out the door.

"I was watching the entire time. You didn't notice when the door opened at first. I wasn't trying to spy, but I was trying to be quiet just in case you fell asleep already. I thought you were just having a moment, but when you picked up the vase I got worried," she explained as I continued to stride as fast as I could away.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I repeated through clenched teeth, all the while wanting to scream at myself for being so stupid in the first place. I should have had more control, I knew they were just in the other room. Yet I still grabbed the fucking vase as if no one would notice if I smashed the thing into pieces.

"My little brother, Sam, has panic attacks a lot," she continued rushing out as she followed, "He's thirteen. He just started getting them recently, maybe a year or two ago. You feel like you can't breathe right? Your heart starts racing and your throat constricts. The room seems like it's getting smaller and your body can't move like there are weights holding them down, so you feel like you're just stuck there-"

I whirled around, causing her to stumble to a stop as I stared her directly into the eyes. Unable to stop myself, I practically pleaded, "Please... just. Keep what you saw to yourself. And leave it alone."

She watched me for a moment, but it was the only moment she had to say anything in response.

A second after that I was moving as quickly as I could to get away.

xXx

"Thanks so much for the help," Tenten sighed out in relief as she dropped her pencil as if she completed a boss level task.

I simply smiled as I rubbed my neck, attempting to work out the knot that built there from bending over the table for hours trying to complete our homework. "No problem. Honestly if you hadn't called, I wouldn't have done it."

Which was true. After my talk with Ino I had rushed home and locked myself in my room. The entire time I searched the internet, feeling weak to my bones as I realized that I was more fucked up than I thought. I never thought of my episodes as panic attacks, I always chalked them up as a moment of weakness that I couldn't stop as I spiraled out of control.

But the more I read, the more I could relate to the pure definition of it and the people who spoke about what they went through as well.

It wasn't enough that I was already struggling to convince myself I wasn't as pathetic as my mother always preached, but to discover that I had such a deep psychological issue it was named by medical science plummeted my chances to believe so.

I was better than that. Than this.

And I refused to admit that ultimately my mother and her treatment effected my life, after so many years of telling myself it didn't. Yet even so, I found myself being more effected. After reading every link on the internet about the issue, I found myself withdrawing. I tried hard to keep it from being obvious, but as a week went by it was getting harder and harder to come up with excuses.

So when Tenten called, I caved and came over.

Honestly, she helped me feel better anyway.

"If Tenten didn't have friends like you and Ino around, I swear she'd be stuck here forever," Temari joked lazily as she passed by to plop on the couch.

My eyes wandered to Ino, who sat at the other end of the table next to Tenten. I didn't know Tenten would call her up for help as well, or I would have never shown up. But it hadn't mattered much, because the entire time we worked on homework she hardly spoke. It went unnoticed as Tenten chattered away, and I tried my best to keep up with her in conversation so she wouldn't realize that Ino seemed abnormally quiet, but as of today I was too tired to give anymore energy about anything else but attempting to get to sleep.

I stood up to grab my things, and instantly Tenten went pout mode, "You're leaving already?"

"You know as well as I do how early we have to wake up in the morning, brat," I replied with a smile, ruffling her hair. She groaned in distress, but I laughed, "Come on, it's getting late enough as it is."

"Let them get out of here, Ten. You need to get to bed anyway, because I swear to god if I have to spend another twenty minutes in the morning trying to get you up I'm going to leave you here tomorrow," Temari warned from the couch.

I gave Tenten a look, whispering, "She sounds hella serious."

"I know, scary right?" She whispered. Then with a huff, she stood up and opened her arms, "Fine. But I'm not giving you pills for the help. You'll have to settle for a hug."

I rolled my eyes as I bent down slightly to wrap my arms around her, she was a whole head shorter than me. "You're getting really cheap now days, you know that?"

She stuck out her tug and skipped away. Shaking my head, I continued to place things in my bag while sneaking a glance at Ino. She continued to sit there, picking at her notebook like she wasn't sure what to do. Scratching my scalp, I said quietly, "Let's go. I'll walk you home. "

Her eyes slipped to mine before looking away and mumbling out, "No it's fine, I can get there."

"It's late. I'm not going to let you walk by yourself," I replied, the firmness in my voice leaving no room for argument. Sighing, she began picking up her things as well.

"Message us when you get in, alright?" Temari called as Ino and I moved towards the door, "I'd hate to whirlwind all the way to your places just to find out your safe and sound. Because trust me, if that happens, you won't be."

My eyebrows raised in surprise as I peaked over at Tenten who was walking by. She mouthed 'super scary' before disappearing down the hall. Laughing, I assured I'd make contact before we left their apartment.

And so stretched the most uncomfortable night time stroll of my life.

We walked quietly for quite awhile. I mostly followed her as she walked slightly ahead, leading us to where she lived. After a few more minutes passed though, she broke the silence.

"I spoke to the manager about you working at the cafe," she informed softly, her breath smoking the cold air.

I blinked in surprise. I had completely forgotten about attempting to get a job there, my mind in a constant frenzy since the last time I was there. Picking up the pace, I glanced at her with an offered smile, "Seriously?"

She looked up at me, her icy blue eyes as cold as the air around us. A small smile pulled her lips before she looked away, "Yeah. He said you can start whenever you wanted. He also might have mumbled that he'd lose his job if he ever thought of turning down a titan."

I snorted out a laugh, shaking my head, "Jeez. Titaniums must look like total pricks when people notice all the privileges we get."

"I will admit I used to think the same way before I met Tayuya," Ino said, laughing a little as well.

"I thought you met Tenten first?" I asked curiously.

"Technically I met them around the same time," she explained with a soft smile, "They came into the cafe one day and when I came to clean the table and pick up my tip, I saw Tayuya's number scribbled on a piece of paper."

I rolled my eyes, "Please tell me she didn't seriously make a lame move like that."

Ino laughed, "No. It turns out it was Tenten's doing. The next day during class, she was saying that Tayuya kept muttering how cute I was."

"Well she wasn't lying," I replied with a shrug.

It was only when she fell quiet that I realized what I said.

I gave her a glance to see her blushing, or maybe it was just shivering temperature that had her cheeks that red. Either way, she ended up quietly muttering a thanks.

I simply cleared my throat and pushed forward, "So what happened after that?"

"Well Tenten and I had class everyday, so we just ended up sitting next to each other after that. Eventually she started to invite me over for their little get-togethers and kick backs. Soon after, I was pretty much adopted by the group," Ino finished of with another smile.

I smiled as well, finding the story heart warming.

But then I began to wonder.

"So you and Tayuya? Did you guys, well.. you know, start talking?" I asked, unable to help my curiosity.

"It's kind of... complicated," Ino admitted quietly.

I frowned, thinking back when Tayuya mumbled how they were just friends.

"You guys are… practically the same," she muttered, causing my eyebrows to pull low in confusion

Scratching at my scar where the stitches used to be, a habit I seemed to have picked up, I replied , "You know. Tenten was saying the same thing, and I don't really see it."

"It's hard not to, honestly." She said with a small smile. "You both seem like you're always smiling. Like there is some on going joke that the rest of the world doesn't get or know."

My lips pulled slightly downward as past Tayuya flashed within my mind. She was always quiet back then, her face emotionless and her eyes void. "We weren't always that way..."

"She's told me, if only a bit, about what it was like being back at home," Ino admitted, causing my heart to begin picking up speed. I nervously wondered how much Tayuya had slipped out and if any of it pertained to me. My eyes darted to Ino's, and I realized she had already been watching me, "She's mentioned you. I didn't realize it at first, but when Tenten said you were her good friend I figured you were the one brought up from time to time. When I asked that night, she said you both had gone through a lot."

I swallowed at my dry throat, asking quietly, "She's… alright. Right? She doesn't…"

My words fell off, unable to find the proper wording. Ino merely looked away, mumbling, "There's a saying, you know... That the saddest people smile the most."

I looked away, staring into the distance as I slipped my hands in my pockets. Within my mind, I couldn't count a single moment since I've been here that I hadn't seen Tayuya smiling.

I wholeheartedly hoped she wasn't as fucked up as me.

"But there's a lot of sayings, and a lot of things that just seem to stick with people," she continued on quietly as we walked, "Most of them I don't understand. Like with our generation it seems like there's a trend, that a sense of independence and detachment is more important than relying on people. Like having friends is fine and dandy, but even thinking or asking for help is... unfathomable."

I set my jaw, mumbling, "Because it's no one else's problem. If you can't deal with it yourself, and it's your own fucking issue, than what can you expect from everyone else?"

Frost blue eyes pulled to mine as she smiled sadly, "Yeah... you guys are practically identical."

Silence settled between us, but with a couple more steps we reached her building.

I stood there, not knowing what to do as Ino turned to me. I didn't get a chance to say much before she was thanking me softly and moving to leave.

But within a couple of steps, she paused and glanced back at me. Quietly, so quietly that I almost didn't hear her over the restless leaves as the wind picked up, she admitted one last thing before leaving for good.

The entire walk home, it was all I could think about.

Tayuya had a problem sleeping at night.

* * *

 **So, yeah. Here's this. Do with it what you want.**

 **You know what's funny. As I posted this, and looked at the alerts sent to my phone, I was thinking, "Man... Here I am uploading another story and I still have Forlorn out there."**

 **Lul.**

 **Listen I'm sorry. I have to write what I'm diggin'. And I'm DIGGIN this. But, just know I do feel a slightly bad that I haven't updated that yet.**

 **But look. This is shiny! This is new! Oooh how it sparkles!**

 **Read review, tell me what you think as you are captivated by the sparkles!**

 **Shycadet loves, runs as you are distracted.**


	6. Tunnel Vision 6

**A/N -** Yeahhh. Another one.

Pfft. My bad dude.

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ Alan Walker - Faded (Where Are You Now) (RH Remix)

I stared at my laptop screen, my receiving grade staring right back at me. On the school's website, where apparently you went to check your grades, our accounting professor announced that our test was finally posted.

And the pathetic average I was staring at plummeted the rest of my mood.

I was tired when I first woke up this morning, for no reason at all besides the fact that I had been restless all night. My eyes stayed shut for six very long hours, any longer than that and I was waking up on my own, and the entire time I felt like I was awake.

Unbelievably, when my alarm finally sounded off, my eyes had the audacity to sting as my body felt utterly exhausted. Like it wasn't it's fault for not shutting off properly in the first place.

But maybe I had too much on my mind.

Maybe I was worried about shit other than school.

Either way, this was the perfect topping to my shitty day. Because not only did I not get any sleep and had been wide awake when my alarm started blaring, but I was late to my first class anyway because I had to spend at least half an hour trying to find my keys.

Which were trapped in the jeans I wore yesterday.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"It's not _that_ bad," Tenten offered meekly as she peaked over my shoulder, "A lot of people had a rough time with that test. I think the professor said he's going to curve it."

I continued to rub my eyes, too tired to explain that out of all classes I should be doing shit it, accounting wasn't one of them. Literally, on my off time, I went to the damn company and worked for them for hours. I knew I wasn't the best at it, but to get such a low score was seriously...

Pathetic.

"He already stated that he was," Ino affirmed while giving me smile, "Don't worry about it alright?"

But how could I not? If I heard right, then it wasn't until you passed these classes that you were given a letter of recommendation to leave Northridge. That's why Temari was joking on Tenten for using us to help with her homework. Because failure meant years of being stuck here.

And while this place wasn't bad, I just... I knew I was more than this. I was more than a lot of things, but it always felt like my entire life I was stuck somewhere.

Stuck under my mothers approval.

Stuck in that mansion with no way to make money to get out.

Now I was stuck here, at this fucking school, with grades as pitiful as my mother preached I was for years.

"Sakura..."

I heard Ino's voice, I did, but it was so distant I couldn't bother responding. Pushing my chair back, right in the middle of lecture, I grabbed my stuff to leave. Tenten was watching me worriedly, but it was Ino who was brave enough to ask, "You're leaving?"

"I just..." My voice trailed as I looked at the both of them. Ino's worry I could handle, for some reason she did it so often I was used to it. But for Tenten's eyes to look like that? I couldn't take it. Mustering up my best smile, I said, "I'm not feeling well. I'm just going to go home and sleep it off."

Tenten smiled back, as if she were doing me the favor. I rustled her hair and gave another smile, "We'll eat at the cafe today. My treat, alright?"

"Excuse me? Are you going to sit down and pay attention to the lesson, or are you going to keep distracting the class in hopes that the rest of your classmates make the same pathetic grade as you did?" The professor demanded with impatience.

 _Pathetic._

Every sense of that word made my skin vibrate with anger.

I took a breath, attempting to center myself. There was no point valuing him a response, he was just pissy his shitty lesson was boring the rest of the class to death. Half of them woke up just to see what the commotion was about.

I continued to grab my things and tossed my bag over my shoulder.

"Did you not hear me ask you a question?"

My fists curled as I turned my attention to him. He stood there, patiently, as if he was expecting a response. No. As if I was obligated to answer his clearly rhetorical question.

And something about it made me snap. The posture. The frown. The way he stood there as if he had all the time in the world.

Everything about it reminded me of my mother.

And it turned my stomach in rage.

Mustering the smoothest smile I could, I said simply, "Fuck off."

He blinked, "Excuse me?"

I repeated it, slowly this time, so he could understand it clearly the second time around. "I said. Fuck off."

"Haruno, isn't it?" He asked while pulling off his glasses, "The girl who scored a forty. The lowest in the class."

I merely continued to smile, "Your name is a complete loss to me. I know it's somewhere between the self righteous act and the egotistical way you strut back and forth in this class, but still it's slipping my mind. I'll settle for Professor. Look around you, _professor_. The only thing _pathetic_ is your attempt to teach this class without at least half of them falling asleep. But I'll tell you what's more pathetic, that if you took a step back and thought about it; You were hired to pretty much serve us, the richest kids on this side of the country. Your job is as replaceable as your life, seeing as it isn't amounting to much by being stuck in a program where you truly will never see past the distance of this classroom. Meanwhile, all of us, including the student that just scored a forty percent, is going to see a future that isn't as bleak and _pathetic_ as you coming home alone every night to an empty bed and no children to carry on your name. Yeah _profressor_ , I've noticed the missing wedding ring. And at your age, I can imagine it's too late."

It was completely silent.

And I continued to smile on.

Slipping my hand in my pockets, I lifted up my hand in a wave as I turned to leave, "So yeah, I think I'll sit this lecture out. My apologies for interrupting."

With that I left.

But the smile that Ino claimed to be always permanently plastered on my face dropped the second I did so.

The word pathetic still ringing in my ears.

X

I heard the knock on my door, I did, but it was so distant I couldn't react to it. Because I was busy, too busy with looking at my room, too busy trying to register how I had managed to completely trash it within two minutes.

My hands were still shaking, at this point trembling, along with the rest of my body that wracked with the quaking of pure anger.

And hatred.

But not regret.

I didn't regret tearing apart my room. I didn't regret flipping over my night stand, showering the floor with broken glass, or slamming the door with the intent of rattling it off the hinges. I didn't feel an ounce of remorse for the destruction I caused.

And maybe that's why I was trembling.

Because as my anger passed, as I came to, I realized I felt so much better because of it. I could breathe again, I wasn't choking under the water of every memory my mother mouthed the word _pathetic_ as if it were the only word to ever exist.

But we both knew that wasn't true.

It was just the only word that could be used to describe me.

What itched at my skin, crawled at the depths of my soul, was to know that every step I took in any direction I couldn't help but prove her right. Here I was at a school I was hauled off to, having to do only the simplest tasks like pass a god damn test, and I couldn't.

Pathetic.

Here I was in my room, knees week and body still quaking with residing anger, hands still shaking in tight fists, chest still heaving as I sucked in every breath, just after I tore it all apart because all I had to do was control my emotions. And I couldn't.

 _Pathetic_.

And here I was, in the middle of my sea of mess that I caused, thinking about my mother and how she'd sneer with disapproval at the display of me losing control like a temper tantrum child as I attempted to convince myself over and over her opinion no longer mattered to me. But. I. Couldn't.

 _Fucking. Pathetic._

I lifted my fist again, this time aiming for the wall-

"Sakura!"

I froze.

Instantly, every emotion and strength I had depleted from me in fear.

I turned around, still heaving in breaths as I saw Ino's wide frozen blue eyes staring at me with worry. The sight of them pounded at my chest harder than the anger I had been feeling just seconds before.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, dropping my raised fist. "Get out."

"I found your spare key outside sitting on top of the door frame," she answered quietly as her eyes began wandering to the rest of my room. As they wandered, I felt completely exposed. And the feeling made me want to physically flinch away.

With more demand, almost a shout, I repeated, " _Get out_."

But unbelievably she took a step forward.

And within a split second I found myself whirling toward her with speed I didn't even know I possessed.

My fingers wrapped around her arms as I stopped her mid motion, grip tight as I stood towering over her. But even with her within my grasp, hands still vibrating, breath still uneven… she didn't so much as blink an eye.

She only watched me quietly. Waiting as I stared down at her.

Swallowing, I looked away, mumbling weakly, "There's glass everywhere. Stop."

"We need to clean this up." That was her only reply as I stood there, her still trapped between my grip, tornado looking like it had just passed through my room.

I shook my head, unable to comprehend.

"The gang is coming over. What happened in class today went viral, some kid took a video of it. They want to celebrate." Ino explained, closely watching my eyes, "They said they'd be over in an hour. It's all over the group message. You weren't responding so I figured you didn't know. And I thought... I thought you'd be..."

My eyes wandered my room.

She thought I'd be having another episode.

Flexing my jaw, I dropped my hands from her arms, "I'll clean it myself."

"I can help-" I gave her a glance, a hard one that stopped her mid sentence. But it wasn't enough to stop her for long, "Sakura, let me help."

"No," I clipped out, "Just sit outside. It won't take me long."

And it didn't.

I was an expert of picking up pieces of glass.

I mean... I always had to pick myself up whenever I shattered anyway.

At this point, what was the fucking difference.

X

" _So yeah, I think I'll sit this lecture out. My apologies for interrupting."_

I listened to myself for the third time in the shaky video taken by someone in class. The gang huddled in a circle watching it, howling with laughter each and every time. I forced a smile whenever one of them patted me on the back with a grin or rustled at my hair in approval, but each time their attention averted I'd cover up my frown with taking another sip of my beer or gulping down a shot.

"Christ man, they make em mean up on those hills, don't they?" Yahiko joked with a laugh, referring to my home town.

"You have no clue," Tayuya muttered, catching my eyes. Despite her being able to keep up with everyone and joining in on the banter, she looked exhausted. But that didn't stop her from downing shots with everyone else.

I looked away, knowing we were both sharing memories of our parents.

"You should have saw her, she looked like a fucking super villain," Tenten said excited with a big grin towards me. I smiled back.

"I bet he's laying in his bed right now, reflecting on the life you just came at," Temari snorted with a sip of her drink, "Jeez, if that were me I'm pretty sure my soul would have ascended from this earth."

"I'm pretty sure his did," Zaku laughed as he rewound the video. This time the camera whipped back to the professors face, focusing in on his stunned expression.

"Oh my god, look at him. Fucking priceless," Hiden said excitedly, dying all over again as they replayed the video once more.

"Hey Sakura, do you mind if I use your bathroom?"

My eyes wandered to Konan's kind smiling face as she stood next to me. I forced another smile as I offered, "Go right ahead, it's to the left as soon as you get into my room."

She quietly said her thanks before walking away. Again everyone's eyes were glued on the cellphone screen, but only Ino's ventured to mine as she held them uneasily.

When I had finished cleaning my room, I avoided speaking with Ino until everyone came. We simply sat on the couch quietly as we waited, nothing but the sound of us breathing between us. Her eyes now reflected the essence of worry, gaze darting to Konan as she approached my room.

But there was no reason to hold her breath.

Within a few minutes, Konan was returning back and plopping right next to Yahiko again without much else to say. I wasn't sure if they were going out, but I wouldn't have been surprised if they were. Either way, like I had mentioned, I was very good at cleaning up my own destruction.

If I wasn't, someone might have caught on years ago that I obviously wasn't the most psychologically sound. Someone might have even bothered to worry.

Like Ino.

Her eyes hovered on me all night. Each time I looked away and forced myself to join in on the conversation, I still felt her watching me. It was unnerving, being focused on so much. Usually when people saw a smiling face, they took that energy with the assurance of everything was fine.

But with Ino, it was like she read each smile as if it were an open book.

I wasn't used to the attention.

"God, look at the girl right in front of her all wide eyed. I'm pretty sure her panties literally dropped right then and there," Hiden joked as he pointed at the screen.

"Oh you can tell she was all sorts of bothered," Zaku agreed as he took a closer look, "Plus Sakura was hella smooth with just walking away like that."

"I know! And then with that scar on her eyebrow and that easy ass smile, she literally fortified the bad boy look," Tenten sighed dreamily before rushing forward and demanding, "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Yahiko teased with a sly grin, "Your panties dropped the second you saw her, didn't it?"

Tenten looked completely embarrassed as she fell quiet.

"To be fair I nearly broke my neck when I first met Tenten," I defended, giving her a smooth smile when her eyes darted to mine. "And I was hella bummed to hear she didn't fuck with customers. My loss though, right?"

"Shit, loss like they aren't lined up at your door right now," Zaku huffed with a roll of his eyes.

"Ay, Sakura can only handle so much. If anything, you can get the rebounds," Hiden jabbed, shoving Zaku's shoulder.

The gang merely laughed in good nature, their focus jumping again. I smiled slightly when Tenten blushed and looked way, happy that I had managed to direct the unwanted attention else where.

"Alright I'm heading out," Tayuya announced, causing me to blink with surprise. I might have been quiet, but she spoke less and less as time went on. She gave me a glance with a smile as I watched her, "There's a party Saturday night, little trouble maker. I could use some help picking up girls, since you have all the skills."

I rolled my own eyes, but Temari snorted and replied, "Yeah right, like you need any more girls knocking at your door at night. If anything, you need to slow your ass down."

"They keep my sheets warm, and it's hella cold up here in these mountains compared to the hills," Tayuya joked with a laugh.

I laughed a little myself, but paused when I noticed Ino frowning off to the side.

"Yeah I'm thinking I'll kick it myself," Yahiko announced while standing up. Zaku and Hiden began calling him various names, but he only waved them off, "We got class in the morning, dude. Plus Konan is tired."

Beside him, Konan smiled and offered, "But the party Saturday sounds like fun."

"We might as well all leave and store our energy until then," Temari suggested, getting up herself, "Plus we've kept Sakura up enough with our antics. Come on Tenten."

Just like that everyone was shuffling out, but not before helping me clean up of course, which I really appreciated. They even took out the filled up bag of trash, offering to drop it in the trash shoot down the hall for me. Within a few minutes my place was empty again.

Or so I thought. Just as I was shutting off the lights in the living room, I saw Ino walking out of my room. I frowned as I watched her, but she only explained softly, "Sorry. I had to use the bathroom before I left."

"I didn't notice you disappear," I muttered, glancing at the door. "Everyone left a few minutes ago. You might be able to still catch them."

"No point rushing now, I guess," she sighed, coming to a stop just a few steps in front of me.

"Well come on, I'll walk you home," I offered while moving to grab my hoodie.

"I'll be fine."

Grabbing my hoodie anyway, I frowned as I turned and replied, "No. It's late."

"I'll be fine, Sakura," she breathed out, shifting to grab her own jacket.

"Ino."

She sighed again, turning back to me, "Honestly, it's not that big of a deal."

"To me it is." She looked as if she were going to argue, but I cut her off, "Look. Just. Let me do this. If I'm being honest, I don't feel comfortable letting you leave alone when it's already this dark outside. I'll just end up worrying all night."

"Then let me stay the night." I blinked, but she only shrugged, "I don't have class until late tomorrow, and honestly I don't feel like walking anyway."

"No," I found myself answering instantly, "I'll just pay for your cab."

"The fair just to hop into the cab is more than how much it would actually cost to drop me off three blocks away," she pointed out, but I still moved to look for my wallet, "Sakura seriously, it's a waste of money."

"Money that we obviously have plenty of," I countered with a snort.

"Fine. Then since we're being honest, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone tonight." I paused searching for my wallet, caught off guard. My gaze pulled to hers and I watched while her frost eyes held mine as she continued softly, "I'll worry all night."

I set my jaw, "The only thing to worry about, Ino, is getting you home safely."

"Is that what you do? Worry about others then turn around and convince them not to worry about you?" She asked, but I ignored her as I picked up my wallet, "Don't you think that's a bit hypocritical? Maybe even ironic."

"There's nothing to worry about," I said firmly while snatching a random amount of bills and shoving them into her hand before moving to go to my room.

"Exactly. Me walking home on campus isn't something to worry about, literally nothing happens here. But you being here by yourself-"

I whirled around to her, finishing for her with a shout, "Isn't a fucking issue to bother with!"

I don't know why I was getting so worked up. I couldn't pin point what bothered me the most. The attention she was giving me was unnerving, I wasn't used to it, but it was more than that. Her sitting here telling me she was worried- whole heartedly concerned, I could hear it in her voice- after all the two times she has witnessed me losing control just...

I felt more pathetic than usual.

Because if she felt the need to watch over me like I was a child, than that meant she thought I was weaker the average person. The average person could handle their anger, the average person didn't need to be hovered over.

But me? I was that much of a concern that she was going out of her way to keep an eye on me.

I set my jaw, "Just go home, Ino."

"Fine, but if I'm going home I'm walking, by myself, without you escorting me," Ino replied, holding my eyes fiercely. "You don't get to worry about if I make it home safe if I don't get to worry if you'll be okay tonight."

I wanted to say fine. I really did. I didn't want to care if she made it home safe, I just wanted to go into my room and spend a moment in fucking peace, because too many people had gotten my attention today and honestly I was dragging on at this point.

But when I parted my lips to tell her to do whatever she fucking pleased, I couldn't get the words out.

Angrily running my hand through my hair, I growled, "Fine. Stay the night."

"Oh no, don't force yourself Sakura. I'd hate to crowd you in all the space you have here," Ino replied while rolling her eyes. She moved towards the door, aiming to leave, but I snatched at her wrist.

Her eyes were more cold than usual as she slid them to mine. Rubbing at my neck with irritation, I took a breath and repeated much softer, "Stay the night, Ino."

She searched my gaze as I held eye contact. Two whole seconds passed before she carefully took back her wrist while turning to face be again. "Be honest Sakura, because I've noticed a pattern. Do you seriously want me to stay?"

I frowned while watching her, "I'd rather you stay here, despite the reason, than sit here and be restless knowing I let you walk home by yourself. It seriously doesn't sit well with me."

"So the reasoning is a selfish one then?" She asked curiously, still watching me.

I frowned even more, "You're staying the night for my sake, not the other way around."

I almost didn't catch it, but a small smile slipped her lips just before she passed me by, sighing out, "That's exactly what I've been saying."

Sighing myself, I shook my head and muttered, "Whatever. You're taking the bed though."

"Such an easy pattern," she said to herself with another smile.

My eyes narrowed, "Are you going to tell me what pattern you're seeing that I'm not?"

"Only once I figure out what picture it makes," Ino answered, giving me another glance.

Too tired to even bothering, I rolled my eyes to go get sheets.

* * *

 **There you go. Just a lil somethin for you over the weekend. I was bored.**

 **Plus most of this was written a couple of days ago. But I held off because I was busy running around and couldn't think where I was going with this.**

 **Soooo yeah. Not much to say. Just a lil update.**

 **Read review, tell me what you think.**

 **Shycadet loves. Out.**


	7. Tunnel Vision 7

**A/N -** Let's leave this here real quick.

And then I can profusly apologize after your read the chapter!

:D

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ Blackbear - if i could i would feel nothing

Tayuya kept having this frown on her face.

All night passed by, and I couldn't not notice like everyone else. We waited a long week for Saturday to roll up so we could hang out, and she was being relatively distant and quiet. My eyes kept hovering over her as we all sat around in the room, drinks in our hands as the music pounded in the back ground, but I couldn't pin her mood. She was either not feeling it or she was in deep thought.

"Alright I'm drunk enough to dance," Tenten announced randomly, shattering the light conversation we were in. My eyes snapped away in attention, and I made the mistake of locking my eyes with hers. Drunk Tenten was down right dangerous, and I was trying all night to dodge her. But the second she caught my gaze, a slow playful smile pulled her lips as she asked sweetly, "Sakura, going to show me a good time?"

I licked my lips with a slight smile pulling, her suggestive tone reeling me in, "Now didn't you promise Temari you'd be good?"

"I don't remember promising _you_ I'd be good" she said a small pout, the sexiest one I had ever seen with her teeth dragging across her lip.

I shifted, eyes falling on Temari who was giving me a narrowed look. I threw up my hands, showing I wasn't the one stirring trouble, but she didn't look like she gave much of a shit once Tenten slipped her hand in mine and began to tug.

Oh god, she was going to get both of us in trouble.

"But Tentennn," Ino whined, causing Tenten's attention to waver. "I thought you said I was your dancing buddy tonight?"

My eyes wandered to Ino, and my eyes followed the way she leaned forward with a slow teasing smile. Christ, they were both a force to be reckoned with while tipsy, I couldn't even stop myself from staring.

"Oh my god, you're right," Tenten cried out, tackling her with a giggle as they toppled onto the couch.

I shook my head with a laugh, rolling my eyes to Yahiko who threw up his bottle in cheers, "Never saw a bullet so narrowly dodged. Ten out of ten for grace."

"Taking two points for not going for it, but a beautiful dodge all the same," Zaku continued to joke with a grin as Hiden faked a crowding cheer.

"You kidding, after our lifestyle? We're an expert at dodging," Tayuya muttered with a smile cracking her lips after taking a sip of her beer. I snorted at her dark sense of humor and she only shrugged before annoucing, "Going to grab a drink."

"I'll head down with you," I volunteered. No doubt the gang would want orders, plus I didn't mind slipping some alone time with my first friend ever made.

Ino gave me an interested look, but I only winked.

"Grab Konan and me a plat would you," Yahiko called out as I stood and wandered to Tayuya.

"Make that three plats," Zaku added.

"Four," Temari chimed.

"Would you idiots settle down, I know what you all drink," Tayuya said with a roll of her eyes.

"Sakura, Sakura," Tenten bounced over, grabbing me arm and pressing it into her chest as she begged, "Are you grabbing me one too?"

"Yes sweet heart, whatever you want," I taunted with a rustle of her hair. She beamed, looking absolutely pleased just as Ino had wandered over beside her with tilt of her head. I gave her a glance before teasing, "I'm guessing you drink platinum too?"

"If I didn't know any better, I would swear you're trying to get me drunk," Ino asked with a raise of her eyebrow.

"Now why would I do anything like that when I'm simply trying to be polite," I teased, eyes falling to her chest and body with a smooth smile pulling my lips. I was fucking with her, having a few laughs at her reaction. The bright little blush on her cheeks made it all worth it, and so was that flustered bite of her lip.

"Let's go dork, I'm trying to get drunk," Tayuya promoted.

I leaned back with my smooth smile still on my face, "Getting drunk, aye. Let's get drinks."

"I thought you'd never ask," she joked with a small shove of my shoulder. I laughed as I followed her, hands slipping my pockets as we exited the room and moved down the hall.

The party we were at was loud and vibrating. The music practically rattled my bone as we wandered out into the halls of packed college kids. The volume of the music alone was sure to be breaking Northridge policy, but I think that was minor compared to the finely assembled amount of alcohol and everyone's friendly green leaf. One cop coming to check on us was all it would have took for pentalites to start being issued like candy.

But no one seemed to give a shit.

They danced away inside the penthouse that was completely different from mine, clogging up the halls as they jumped and rave. I had to admit, they made the antics look hella fun. I almost felt like dancing myself as I brushed across a cute girl with a pulling smile, but before I could try anything though, Tayuya nabbed my arm and pulled me away.

"Some wingman you are," I complained, side glancing her with a grin as I fell back in step with her.

"I'm doing you a favor, Sakura. That girl is a mistake," she muttered, taking a glance over her shoulder. The female now leaned against the wall, eyeing us as we left. Almost the second Tayuya caught her gaze, the girl smiled suggestively.

I turned back around with a laugh, "Oh god, don't tell me you fell for a cute girl trap."

"All I wanted was a nice little one night stand, but she ended up being bat fucking crazy," Tayuya grumbled as we finally arrived to where all the expensive bottles were stocked.

I continued to laugh in disbelief, stomach aching at image of Tayuya getting played. The sight tickled me just a little too much, I could tell by the way she shot me an annoyed glare. I only smiled, pushing at her shoulder, "Ay, it isn't my fault you fucked up and it's hilarious."

"Shut the fuck up," she muttered.

Despite her warning, I continued to laugh loudly as I looked at the bottles in front of us. Eyeing a certain vodka I recognized, I blinked in surprise, "They have everything here, man. Didn't this come off the shelf ages ago?"

"Aged and ripe to drink," Tayuya answered while bending down to the cooler of beers. Grabbing two, she turned back to me and continued, "Shit cost more than some of our trust funds, and we're popping it in a party like this."

My head jerked back in disbelief as I looked at the bottle with new appreciation. Giving her a glance, I said, "Well it would be a crime if I didn't take celebrating shot."

"Knock yourself out, as long as we get these beers for those assholes."

She didn't have to say any more as I tilted the bottle towards the sky and took two huge gulps. My chest burned and my eyes watered as I pulled the bottle away, but I smiled through the harsh pain and croaked, "What a time to be alive."

Another smile slipped Tayuya's features before she began to laugh. Shaking her head, she ordered, "Come on, idiot. Let's go."

"Yeah I'm coming," I huffed out, grabbing my arm full of beer and managing to slip two of in my pocket. As we carefully walked back, she began casually, "You know, speaking of girls, I know a few more you should steer clear from..."

My eyebrows raised in interest, "Tell me straight up so I won't get embarrassed like you did."

She glanced back at me with a glare, but I only grinned. Rolling her eyes, she turned forward as she muttered, "Never mind dickhead. Learn your own lessons then."

"Oh come on," I complained, but she refused to tell me. Huffing, I accused, "You're a fucking child dude. You haven't grown up since."

She snorted, "You kidding me? You still act like that rich little brat I met since day one."

I accidentally laughed, unable to block the memory of what I used to wear outside when we were kids. It wasn't fair, I was _forced_ in those frilly fucking things to 'ensure the status of our household'. A frown slowly began to pull my lips, and just like that the joking memory became sour as I thought of how my mother used to scream about looking like a dirty little boy.

"You know what I've been thinking about?" Tayuya asked, snatching me out of thought.

My eyes snapped to hers, and I caught her watching me before I broke out my well practiced fake smile and asked, "I don't know, what?"

"I keep thinking about... what happened when I left."

My polished smile slowly fell from my lips as I remembered sitting outside in the woods alone without Tayuya, but imagining her there all the while. My hand began to twitch shut around the neck of one of the bottles as a jolt passed through me, I could almost hear the shatter of the wine bottle against the wall my mother had thrown, inches away from missing me just a few weeks after.

Tayuya glanced back at me as I remained silent, and I struggled to fight off the memory of me throwing rocks at a tree with the same precision and intent as my mother had. I wondered what would hit first, my arm breaking thrown rocks or mom's swaying wine bottles.

The tensing in my posture had given me away, I could tell by the frown that was now pulling Tayuya's lips. But before I was forced to answer, we reached the room with the gang still there. They all had continued to sit around in random chairs and couches within what we assumed was a rec room.

I went straight to the coffee table in the middle of the room before carefully putting my carrying beers on the wood surface. Just as I managed not to break anything, I took the two from my pocket and spotted Ino sitting in a beanbag chair with Tenen curled on her lap. Tenten's teddy bear brown eyes darted to me the second I noticed her. She pouted, as if she were sleepy and asking to go to bed. Smiling, I shook my head and walked over to her, handing her the beer. "You can't sleep yet, squirt. I went all the way down stairs to get this beer for you."

"But I'm tired," Tenten whined.

Ino rolled her eyes, looking me up and down before asking, "Did you bring my beer?"

My eyes narrowed at hers, but she only smiled sweetly. Shaking my head, I handed both of them their beers before walking away.

"Thanks for the hook up guys," Yahiko said loudly with a grin, snatching one from the bunch grouped on the coffee table. Konan was the only one that seemed genuinely appreciative as she smiled quietly at me. Zaku, on the other hand, only seemed concerned with chugging his as fast as he could.

And of course, after everyone was done snatching their own, I didn't have one left for me.

I stood there in disbelief, looking around at everyone as they enjoyed their fresh bottle. Taking in a breath, I moved to complain, but Tayuya appeared next to me before I could speak. She handed me her open bottle and muttered, "Here. We can share."

I didn't bother questioning her offer, only took a healthy swig of the bottle in thanks.

"Cute," Temari commented as she passed by, plopping on the couch with Hiden before offering, "How about we pass around the last blunt before the night gets too late.

"Best idea I've heard all day," Zaku replied with a grin as he pulled the drug out his beanie at the ready.

And what a marvelous sight it was, already perfectly rolled and ready to spark.

"Who starts this time?" Konan asked in interst as she leaned forward from Yahiko's lap.

I pondered the question as I wandered back to my original seat, but Tenten seemed to have snapped out of her sleepiness at the offer as she eagerly answered, "It's my turn!"

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, and watched as she quickly got up to grab the blunt before surprisingly dropping onto my lap to spark it. Thankfully Temari seemed efficiently drunk enough to refrain from glaring at me, but she did wander her eyes over as Tenten got comfortable and leaned back into me.

Then with a part of her lips, she sparked up so smoothly I couldn't help but stare as she slowly inhaled before the smoke slowmotion tumbled from her lips

"Christ," I heard Tayuya mutter to herself, catching my attention as I glanced at her. She was watching Tenten as well, and I knew instantly we were thinking the same thing.

And the aching thoughts hurt.

Shifting to look back at me, Tenten smiled sweetly and asked, "Are you partaking?"

"She'd be called out if she didn't," Yahiko joked from across the room.

I rolled my eyes with a smile before taking a hit of my own.

We chilled as we smoked, talking about random Northridge topics. The newest gossip, what kids just shipped in, and what penalties were just handed out. Most of it I had already heard circling around, but a few I hadn't gotten whiff of. And as I sat with them in that room, I had to admit I couldn't help but feeling like this was a sense of home I was robbed of.

Back at the hills parties were almost like a competition. Like there was a reward for how much you could drink, how many girls and guys you could fuck, and who had the most money to blow with buying everyone shots. But here, in this room slowly filling with foggy smoke, I felt a completely different vibe. A feeling I don't think I ever had the privilege of ever realizing existed.

Tay managed to grow up with this. These good vibes

And I managed to survive long enough to glimpse at it for myself, if only for a moment..

But it only made me wonder if they were still competing with each other back home with their magazine amounts of shots and street long lines of drugs. Wondered if my mother was still partying in the kitchen, with her drowning amounts of wine sprinkled with shattered glass- her favorite dessert. And my third step father, was he still sneaking around her blatantly, leaving lingers smells of perfume on his suits with red smudge stains on his clean white collared shirt.

I just wondered if it was still the spiraling time collapsed place as it was before I left. The same shit happening and going on over and over and over again.

"Yeah man, when I'm fucked up like this the past is hard to beat off me too," Tayuya muttered, dragging me away from my thoughts.

My eyes wandered to hers, unable to gauge how much time had past. Tenten curled in my lap, her soft snoring warming my neck as I realized most of the gang had disappeared, leaving only us and Ino balled on the other empty couch.

Tayuya took a sip of the bottle in her hand, staring ahead with a frown on her face, "I get dragged into that hell entirely too often. Like it's always right behind me and I'll never be able to walk away from it far enough."

I looked away with a frown myself.

"They keep asking about it here and there," she continued, combing her beanie off as she dragged her hand through her hair. She kept her fingers tangled as she muttered, "They get I don't like to talk about it, but sometimes they ask anyway. I'm glad someone's here that knows how fucked up it was without me having to talk about it."

Vile built my throat as shook my head and croaked, "I just want to forget about it."

"Wouldn't that be nice," Tayuya snorted before dropping her arm and glancing at me, "You never answered my question... What happened after I left?"

My mind wandered my memories again with the constriction in my chest. Hands scratching into fists, I mumbled, "It got worse. The wine bottles that were smashing into the wall were getting closer and closer, and I started to flinch whenever she aimed. Pathetic started to be label, and supposedly I wore it around everywhere. I found a habit of ripping it off, throwing it towards any wall... Don't know why I was so stunned when the vodka bottle shattered... It soaked into the carpet and had my room smelling like alcohol for days..."

I took a shaky breath, tearing myself from the memories as Tayuya said quietly, "I should have tried to stay."

"Nothing you could have done," I muttered back, words freezing in my throat as I noticed Ino shift on the couch.

My eyes darted to hers as I saw crystal blue orbs staring at me. The thought of Ino hearing any part of what I said froze my entire body, and once again I felt exposed like I had the last time she caught glimpses of what I tried so desperately to keep to myself. Seconds later, the blue orbs began to float as she stood up and walked towards us. She paused only to slip one of the unopen bottles off the coffee table before handing it to me.

I managed out half of an empty smile before taking it from her.

She wandered and sat next to me as I swallowed a small mouthful of the beer. Without a single word, she curled right back into a ball as her head fell to my shoulder just as I rested the bottle in my hand on the couch. I set my jaw hard as her fingers slipped across my empty ones before lacing them together. And Tayuya took another sip of her bottle before letting out a soft sigh.

I don't know how long we stayed quiet like that.

But with the two of them there, and Tenten on my lap, I managed to fall asleep without having to revisit the suffocation of my past.

* * *

(1) - Can we just discuss I think this song would be a PERFECT Theme song for Sakura. And Tayuya. Forreal. _"If I could I would feel nothing. That's the truth and I don't care. Mix prescriptions with prescriptions. It's not right but life's not fair- Underneath it all the truth is that I. Really feel like shit. I'm so sick of being tired. I'm so tired of being sick- World is cold and life's not fair."_ d~_~b

 **Anyway. Okay. So I know I promised Forlorn. I know I did. I know literally to at least ONE person I literally promised, but lets just take it easy on me.**

 **I want to get back into writing. Very badly. I'm also thinking of the book I want to write, so it's hard to think about 4 stories at once, so that's why I've been really scarce. But. I'm starting to be able to balance it more and I always enjoy writing up here so.**

 **Yes. Sorry. But. Here. Take this chapter and hopefully be happy :D**

 **Anyway, with That summer pretty much wrapped up, there are fewer stories to focus on. BoD is one and this story as well as the long forgotten Forlorn. But. I do have some good ideas for this story because I like this one alot in paticular.**

 **It has a twist on my typical stories, and I want this one to hit hard so I have plans.**

 **So, let's celebrate finally moving out of the agonizing pace of setting up the story and start enjoying some feels.**

 **Read review. Tell me what you think.**

 **Shy loves. Out.**


	8. Tunnel Vision 8

**A/N -** Hello there kids.

I had this written a couple weeks ago, but was too lazy to go back and declutter so...

It got sidelined.

But! I am back to give you this poorly edited chapter. I wanted to keep it loose.

Silly goose.

Have fun with the chapter

 **DISCLAIMER - I do not own Naruto**

* * *

 _Song used for this chapter -_ olli - and my life turned around

After while, I ended up just giving Ino and Tayuya my spare keys to my place. They came over so often I saw no point of always inviting them in. The more the year went by, the more often they'd pop up. Eventually they would just walk in, catching me when I'm either doing homework or watching TV in the early afternoon. Ino would always plop on the couch with me, sometimes bringing Tenten along here and there while chattering about school and petty gossip. And Tayuya would just wander in quietly to sit down with her music already booming in her ears.

We didn't talk much when she was over, but we didn't have to. We did this shit as kids, in the woods, just sitting there.

Granted, back then I was swinging my fists into trees.

But as always, nothing has changed. We still spent time like we did back then.

Tenten though, she was starting to visit on her own as well. At first it was her and Ino, or even dragging Temari, Hiden, and sometimes Zaku, but after awhile it was just her. She'd sit on the couch with me and whine how she wanted to watch a movie. I had to feed the girl dinner almost every night she was there, saying she wanted a 'home cook meal'.

She was beyond a handful.

But I enjoyed her company. Ino and Tayuya always wandered off after a couple of hours, but Tenten stuck around until she'd either have to crash here or get my private escort service to take her home. She kept me busy as she acted like a child while playing Mario Kart, despite the fact she faithfully forced me to get her a victory ice cream after wards from the store across the street because I was trash at the game.

Such a brat.

Too bad she was entirely too grown up.

The low v-cut shirts that hung at the edges of her shoulders where starting to get me. I caught myself staring at her chest twice so far, which she in turned teased me mercilessly about. But my eyes would wander on their own while we were watching movies, and my fingers crept to her waist whenever she sat on my lap to cuddle subconsciously.

She was hard to handle, it was confusing.

One second I'm feeling like I'm baby sitting to keep her out of trouble while the gang is busy.

And the next I'm struggling to keep myself in line as she swears with her signature pout she's behaving.

It was especially difficult whenever we decided to get high. While smoking with the gang was by now an aged tradition, me and Tenten were the only ones that bothered with pills. And while breathing smoke was healthy enough, there was nothing wrong with giving the lungs a break with a couple of beers and her snatched pills.

Sometimes, closer to the weekend, we'd do just that. And each time we'd have these long elabrate conversations that we couldn't remember later on that night. We'd talk for hours honestly, and each time it was about nothing.

But once, I was curious enough to ask why her and Temari decided to take on such a shady business. Apparently, Temari's saying 'if it's for a good time, I'll sell it to you' wasn't just her catch phrase. Back home, her parents were away a lot. And while anti-depressants managed to bandage the loneliness, she eventually found out going green didn't bring the mood swings.

The pills brought fierce reactions, ones that Tenten mumbled Temari doesn't like to talk about.

But Tenten?

Could you believe she looked me dead in the eye and told me she simply sold pills for fun. I shook my head with a laugh, I couldn't help it she was so freaking predictable. But that only pushed my theory that Tenten had an honest to god loving childhood.

And it made me kind of happy to know everyone didn't have to grow up in the way I did... because even with their company, I still had episodes during the few times I found myself alone...

And it broke my heart to know any other pathetic kid like me could be out there, dealing with this unstable shit.

So as the year went on, I welcomed them constantly bugging me. We squeezed in homework between all the partying, drinking, and smoking, but it happened so rarely it hardly mattered. I guess it sounded immature, and I felt some sort of way about acting like the stereotypical rich kid, but at the same time I didn't give a shit.

I was happy.

I wasn't in that suffocating mansion anymore.

And for the first time in my life, I felt like I'd be okay.

xXx

I shivered as I took the shot, liquid fire pouring down my throat as I washed down the waiting pill to swallow. Tayuya gave a look of disapproval, but I only gave her a lazy pull of my middle finger.

Gonna shake her head, but roll her blunt in the very same breath. Fucking hypocrite.

But she seemed to find her antics amusing as she winked at me, and just as I moved to shove her, Tenten plopped next to me on the couch, "Ooo, you guys aren't getting along. Temari's going to have a fit."

I blanched at the threat, and even Tayuya's eyes snapped up in small panic. Attempting to dig ourselves out of the hole, I leaned towards her and muttered, "But don't you know what happens when little girls snitch?"

Her eyes sparked high, misbehaving excitement glinting as she bit her lip. Shrugging her shoulders, she looked away with a kick of her feet, "Well... maybe I won't tell."

Swear, Tayuya visibly relaxed. What a fucking punk.

But I wouldn't front Temari like that, loved her to death but she was beyond scary. I guess she had to be, because if she didn't keep us in line I think we would be the embodiment of chaos.

"So why exactly are we here again?" Ino asked as she came over with a frown and a drink in her hand.

Tayuya had cleared her throat as she took her hit, so I took the liberty of guessing, "Well supposedly Yahiko and Konan called us over."

"I think Yahiko was complaining about us _not_ hanging out at someone's place other than mine or Sakura's. And I'm pretty sure Hiden and Zaku was there with him while he was whining and gassed him up enough to force us all over." Tenten answered with a small roll of her eyes, the laugh bubbling past her lips showed her amusement about the situation.

"Fine line idiots," Temari grumbled with a roll of her eyes as she ventured to Tayuya. She took the smoking bud with one nod of appreciation.

"But I had _plans_ tonight," Ino huffed out in exasperation, "Believe it or not, I have other friends. And every time I plan something with them-"

"Suck it up, buttercup," Hiden cut off with a wink. Ino attempted to pinch him as he passed but snatched at only air as he laughed away.

"Listen fucking here, I'm tired of the bull shit. We party _every_ weekend," Yahiko complained as he walked over. Under the pressure of hosting the party, he began drinking before we even got here. Needless to say, he was already beyond toasted as he had his arm slung around Konan. I swear she was blushing, but she was practically a professional make up artist, it was hard to tell. "We can party any _other_ weekend. Today we party here."

"Yes, we party here. On a T _hrusday_ ," Zaku emphasized as he finally wandered from the kitchen. He skipped over to take a quick hit of the blunt as Yahiko began to rant on how he couldn't wait for the weekend to come for us to hang out over here.

Temari was on her last few weak strings of holding it together with the booze and bud, and you could tell because as I mentioned before; Without Temari keeping us in line, we were utter damn chaos.

But it was understandable why she was tired. The mid semester exams for classes had us slowly crippling away over the course of the week, and it was a relief that after today we were done for a solid two weeks. It was also why I kept checking my phone, refreshing over and over to see what my grades were in my known trouble areas. The entire reason I was taking a shot with some pills was to calm down the thoughts of failing.

"You did fine," Ino whispered to me as she caught me once again staring at my screen. I blinked in surprise, snapping my gaze to her.

She only smiled softly before turning her head to pay attention to the conversation.

I looked away myself, but for entire different reasons.

"Listen, we're playing Moose and that's final," Yahiko said firmly with the blunt perched between his lips.

My attention began to catch the conversation as well, and I watched as Tayuya rolled her eyes and Temari shook her head. Hiden was the one to openly complain, "Come on, there's so many better games."

"My place my rules."

"He's completely bombing his first impression at partying at his place," Tenten whispered to me, causing me to snicker.

"Alright, but at least lets spice it up," Zaku offered with thrown hands, "So normal Moose; we all pour 1 second worth amount of our drinks in the huge moose cup in the middle of the table. Doesn't matter if you have light, dark, mixed or beer. After that, we sit around the table and attempt to bounce the quarter into the moose cup. If someone makes it, the last person to put up their hands and shout moose losses and has to drink the entire cup. If they miss, next person."

He paused for effect, and I'm pretty sure he threw a wink at me before continuing. What a stand up guy. "But of just sitting around waiting for someone to make it is hella boring. So lets have the person who is about to toss the quarter say something that's either true or false. If the person makes it, normal rules. But if they miss, they have to tell us if it was the truth or if they were lying. Ehh? Sounds zesty for you?"

"Does it have to be about yourself?" I asked in curiosity.

"No," he answered me with a point, "It can be about anything. But lets not be boring, think of the dankest shit you can or make something up."

"So what happens to the people who guessed true, and it was false or vice versa?" Hiden asked with an raise of an eyebrow.

"Right, if someone gets it wrong after the shot, those people have to take a sip of their drink." Zaku answered with a grin, "That way we aren't just sitting around with a dick in our hands waiting to get drunk. This should quicken the process. The game is kinda boring with the regular rules if _no one_ ever makes it in."

"Alright, sounds fair to me," Temari nodded, sanctioning such antics. But she paused before adding, "And no body bitches out. Don't lie about if it's true or not."

Temari had spoken.

The games had begun.

It was only after she nodded that everyone began to move, shuffling around to get their drinks ready. I'm sure the actual game was called something else, but the reason we called it Moose was because for some reason Hiden had this freaking _huge_ Moose head cup that was actually a really expensive antique his like great Canadian grand parents gave him. And for reasons I couldn't fathom, he brought it to every smoking, drinking, and kick back event.

Something about it oozing good vibes. Honestly, half the things Tenten told me could be a pitting hell of lies, so truthfully it could also just be some novelty cup.

Along with Hiden's traditional moose-head cup, whenever a get together was planned we made a point to bring drinks over, unlike how we usually do whenever we went out- took a few shots and hoped for the best. But when it was a get together, we brought a healthy amount of alcohol, knowing if we wanted to get efficiently drunk we kinda had to. Usually settled for stacks of cheap beer any normal night, but seeing as tonight was like a house warming event, everyone brought at least two of their more classier versions of alcohol.

So it was tough to choose what to drink in the bar like spread in the kitchen.

Best part for Yahiko was that he got to keep the left overs, which I had to admit _was_ nice. Honestly, the spread I had at my place took up an entire kitchen shelf. Unfortunate, because I couldn't use it much while cooking on the small occasions I do.

Tragic... Too much alcohol on my kitchen counter.

What first world type of rich shit was my life even?

After we grabbed our preference in drinks, we poured 1 second of our drink into the sacred moose cup. After doing so, we sat in a circle in the living room, pulling our seats close to the table so we could reach when it came to bouncing the quarter.

Tayuya sat next to me and of course Tenten was on my lap, fitting us on the snug love seat in the room while the other sat on the other couches and makeshift benches.

With everyone doing a quick rock paper scissors competition, we quickly decided who would go first.

"Uh alright," Yahiko started off with a drunk grin, blunt at his lips practically falling. Konan did us all a favor and took the opportunity to have a quick puff. "Today I took a shit at the Starbucks across from the science building."

I laugh slipped past me before I could help it as I watched him bounce the quarter. We all shouted what we thought, but I went with truth. You couldn't put it past the guy, I swear.

As he missed, he gave us a look before shrugging and saying, "Yeah. It's true. So what?"

Laughing, because I fucking knew it, I watched Tayuya, Zaku, and Hiden take a sip. The rest of us got it right. Hiden felt especially wronged as he said quietly, "You cruel son of a bitch."

"There's only one god damn bathroom for all of us in there," Zaku shook his head with a frown, "For guys _and_ girls. And always, it never fails, someone has _always_ taken a shit in there. And this time it's you?"

I mean. It was kinda fucked up.

"Alright alright, Konan's next," Temari refereed.

Konan thought for a moment before saying, "Once last year, I caught a guy fucking another guy in an ally."

I shouted false, along with everyone else as the quarter bounced. When she missed, she smiled slightly as she answered, "Actually, that was true."

My eyes grew wide in absolute surprise, even Tenten's mouth dropped a little. Everyone at once started to call her bluff just as they were all forced to drink, but eventually Temari called them off while pointing out that 'Konan has never lied to us before'.

Which I had to admit, even with me still fairly new with knowing everyone, I knew that Konan didn't need or have the energy to lie to us. There was literally no point, she hardly cared about the petty shit anyway. She was actually fairly harsh one time about my choice of shirt... I had to change before we left.

As we took turns going around the room, the night going on with so far two losing, we were beyond wasted. The amount of truths coming out was ridiculous, but the great part about it was that no one was phased by it. They didn't act a certain way, they just laughed cracked some jokes and kept going.

Let me emphasis, Yahiko and Zaku kissed once because of a lost bet, and no one blinked an eye.

Tenten admitted to having a crush on Temari years ago when they first met. Konan threw out she cheated on her last exam, and fucking Hiden. Canadian Hiden. He got arrested like twice growing up because he was in a gang or some shit.

I don't know. It was getting fuzzy the more drunk we got.

With the blunt between my fingers as I sat there waiting for Ino to go, I was lost how much time had passed. But as I spent it with them, I realized that even if I didn't have too much of a family growing up, and even though my only friend left too early for me to admit, I kinda felt happy that in the end I ended up here.

With them.

They were Tayuya's friends, but part of me hoped they'd adopt me in and we'd be close for years.

My eyes snapped towards the movemnt of Ino lifting the quarter. As she aimed, a deviant little smile at her lips, she said, "I fucked a girl once."

I froze as I watched the quarter bounce. With the look on her face, I had no clue if she was lying or not and with the amount of smoke in the room and drinks I've had so far, I was foggy on what to choose. I was so tangled on what to call out, I ended up fumbling the word to shout my guess.

It took me entirely too long, because I hadn't realized she made it until everyone's hand was up and they were yelling, "Moose!"

I blinked, and everyone looked at me with an evil grin.

They hadn't gotten a chance to get me plastered yet.

Fuck.

Tenten was generous enough to grab the cup for me with her still on my lap. She took the blunt and said with a small smile, "I hoped you planned on getting trashed tonight."

The answer was no. No I did not.

I glared at Ino, who was across the room giving me a small smile. And out the corner of my eyes I saw Tayuya shift, smaller frown at her lips.

No one else was paying attention, they only gassed me up loudly with shouts urging me to chug.

I shut my eyes tight and took my first gulp.

The gag afterwards had my body shivering.

X

"Bad idea to play moose," Tayuya said what we were all thinking as we trudged home with my arm around her neck.

My other was propped on Tenten's, who was smaller but still trying her hardest to drag me home.

"I don't think she'll make it all the way to your side of the campus," Tenten said while heaving me up straight, "She's hardly walking at this point."

"We'll take the escort, like I said before we-" Tayuya replied, but the rest of what she said was drowned by me swallowing down another gag.

"She's going to get extreme motion sickness," Ino argued with a wary look at me.

"And, oh god, even if they are here to work for us I do _not_ want for the driver to deal with throw up in his car," Tenten went on with a shiver, "My place is like around the corner from here. She can stay the night and leave in the morning."

"Temari is not going to be happy," Tayuya grumbled as we changed course, "We should have left with her and the others when they did, but you guys just _had_ to drink more."

"Temari can deal with me," Tenten brushed off with a confident tone.

My eyes shut as I tried to pass the swimming sensation in my head, but once my eyes opened again I was laying down. I stared at the ceiling for five long seconds until I realized that I wasn't floating and that wasn't the floor, I was laying on a couch.

If there was a god, I swore that if I got through this night I would never drink again.

As I rolled over in a small groan of sickness, I heard Tenten's voice from down the hall.

"She was too sick to make it to her place, she freaking fell asleep not even half way there! So loose the pissy attitude Temari, you would have done the same for anyone else."

"I don't give a shit about that, of course she can stay. But Ten, it's almost three in the morning, the least you could have done was answer my messages asking if you were alright. _That's_ why I have an attitude."

"I _told_ you. I gave it to Sakura so I wouldn't lose it, she had _pockets_. I didn't think about checking it the entire time..."

Their voices wandered as I began to focus on finding a bucket. Being an expert at partying and drinking too much, I knew the least I could do was throw up most of the liquid so my kidney was working overtime.

Christ, thank god for Tenten.

Just as I rolled over, I saw the small empty trash can placed next to the couch.

I snatched it, and without hesitation I stuck my finger straight to the back of my throat and threw up the ocean of alcohol drowning me.

Staring at the contents inside helped me realize this wasn't my proudest moment in life.

"Are you alright?"

I looked up at Tenten, who had wandered over with a worried look on her face. My hand waved her off as I placed the trashcan away from us. The other wiped my mouth as I muttered, "Yeah, I'm alright. I just had to get that out."

"I'm sure," she replied with a wary look at the trash.

She took a step closer when I moved to swing my legs off the couch, mid breath in telling me to lay back down, but I assured, "I'm fine. I promise. I just need to wash my mouth out before my entire set of teeth rot."

I'm glad I managed to get her to laugh, if only a little, as she helped me to stand up. I would admit, the walk to the kitchen was almost like the swaying of a boat, but I got there fine. The warm water running helped with the sickening taste in my mouth, but again Tenten was an angel for bringing me some mouth wash.

Afterwards I quickly plopped back onto the couch, groaning in regret as my head fell back on the head rest, "I will never play moose again."

"You're handling it well though," Tenten offered as she sat closely next to me. "You could be sleeping in the bathroom tonight, curling around the toilet while begging for crackers to soak up the alcohol."

My lips lifted as I stared at the ceiling with my head falling back, "Descriptive."

"I've had it happen before." (2)

"Then it can always be worse," I replied with a snort, mumbling, "A philosophy I try to live by."

"A reasonable one," she joked.

"Right?"

The smile that she slipped on my face lingered as my eyes drifted closed. I didn't understand it yet, why being around Ino, Tayuya, and now even Tenten felt so comfortable. Like in the midst of the hurricane of chaos, I was in the eye of the storm. But I couldn't find it within me to figure it out, scared that if I look too deeply I'd find a way to destroy it like I do everything else.

"It could always be worse..." Tenten whispered, her words trailing off in the silent room before she mumbled, "You must have told yourself that often."

My body tensed on it's own and I found my eyes shutting tighter as memories of me repeating it to myself while picking up the broken glass from shattered wine bottles. Straining, I replied as lightly as possible, "Made the bad shit seem not so shit. I knew for a fact, I had it a lot better then other kids."

"Is that what you think?" She asked softly, and the words almost shattered at her lips. "Tayuya doesn't talk about it, but I've heard what's she's been through. I heard her say once, while she was drunk, that her friend was still stuck back there. Don't you think I can imagine what you've been through branched off of that?"

I frowned as I opened my eyes and glanced at her now curling fingers on the couch. I couldn't comprehend why they cared so much, almost as if my outward pain was reaching them in crashing waves. It didn't make sense, they hardly knew me.

I grabbed her hand, catching her eyes with a smooth smile, "Don't let her fool you. When we were together, she had it worse than me. And I had it better, I knew it. The shit I went through wasn't so bad, no reason to talk about it."

Her hand curled tighter in mine, almost as if she wanted to argue. But I only leaned over and kissed her nose, muttering, "Come on Ten, seeing you like that physically hurts me."

Her eyes peaked up at mine with a spark, and the sight relieved me. She wasn't going to fall down that dying wonderland hole just like how I refused to. For tonight, we escaped that hell.

I leaned back onto the couch, my head falling back in exhaustion. Just that little bit of movement tuckered me out, and I knew it was the waves of alcohol that was finally starting to lull me to sleep.

As the minutes passed I felt Tenten shift, the warmth of her side slipping across my arm before she quietly climbed onto my lap. A sleepy smile pulled my lips as I opened my arms to accommodate her, curling them to pull her close as I let her warmth spread through me. Sleep was still weighing my eyes and mind, but Tenten's soft voice slipped through.

Her nose ran across my neck as she whispered, "Sakura, tell me a story. I want to listen to your voice."

And with a snort, along with a small sigh, I took a breath and began to mumble, "There was a girl once, named Alice. And before she fell down the rabbit hole, she saw a tunnel."

* * *

(1) Song is from a channel called Anime Vibe just in case you can't find it. I like it. The light kinda twinge of sadness vibe it gives off. I thought it fit the chapter.

(2) – If there are any that are _real_ og fans of mine from years ago, they'll remember that I did venture up to Canada for half a year. It was right after high school, I wanted to study abroad. Moose was a real game I played with my friends up there, and one night on the weekend I made the mistake of losing.

When I tell you that I was curled around the toliet, crying to my ex to bring me crackers, and throwing up all the contents in my body. Bruh. It was entirely too real for me. I also made her make me some ramen noodles, desperate for it anything to help. It didn't. I died a little that night. A little piece of me just withered right there and died. And I never played that devil game again.

 **Anyway. So there you go. I wanted to keep the chapter loose and fun. Kinda give off the vibe that they really are just a random ass gang that hangs together.**

 **GANG GANG GANG GANG**

 **Sorry. I couldn't help myself. But besides that, I kinda want to build the connections more between Sakura the gang. I want you to FEEL their friendship. They are friends so hard that you fucking FEEL it. That's where I wanna go, so hopefully that comes through.**

 **Other then that, I would like to say that personally I _love_ the Tenten in this story. She's so fucking precious that I personally feel the need to protect her. **

**God knows if I'll actually manage not to fail at that.**

 **Also why I've been away is because I'm still thinking VERY hard on this book idea. It's like assembling iron man with nothing but paperclips, but it's coming together nicely. I like it a lot so far. If I get far enough a long, I might post on that other ff site.**

 **Anyway, I'm rambling nothing much to say. Read review, tell me what you think.**

 **Oh! And Thank you so much for the reviews so far, I do read all of them. And I'm glad you guys are digging the story. I think this ones going to be one of my personal favorites. So let's see where this goes.**

 **Shycadet loves. Out.**


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